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a blog by Ellen Glazer, May 16, 2013

I’ve been working in the field of adoption for over 30 years so you’d think I’d understand how it works by now! Truth is that although there are some aspects of adoption that are pretty clear and straightforward, adoption is a confusing, ever changing (but ultimately wonderful) path to parenthood. This is the first in a series of blogs that I am writing for the FertilityAuthority about adoption. My focus today is on how adoptive parents and birthparents are “matched.”

“We’re matched!” has become a familiar heading in my email inbox. Couples (and singles) waiting to adopt, are eager to share their joy and excitement when they learn they’ve been matched with a birthmother. But what does this mean and how does it happen?

Being matched with a birthmother means that there is a pregnant woman who, in making a parenting plan for her unborn child, has chosen an individual or couple to be the parents (or parent). She may have made that choice as early as in her fourth or fifth month of pregnancy or she may be days or hours away from delivery. Sometimes birthmothers choose families in the hours or days following birth. Today’s discussion will focus on the advantages of an early match vs a late one—and on those in the middle.

An early match—when the birthmother is early in her second trimester—has certain advantages. If a birthmother chooses a family early, it usually means that she is getting prenatal care and is focused, from the start, on the baby’s well being and on his/her future. It usually means that she takes finding the right family very seriously and feels a commitment to them. All good. However, there is a down side to early matches: there is more time for things to go wrong. These include late pregnancy losses, a baby born severely premature and most significant, a birthmother’s change of heart. The woman who is so committed to her baby’s well being and future may be the same one who realizes—at the end of the pregnancy or at delivery—that she cannot part from the child and that when she really thinks about it, she is capable of parenting the child.

A late match—at delivery or immediately after—has it’s own set of advantages and its downside. The advantages include the fact that in some instances (when the baby has been born) the birthparents have already surrendered their parental rights. Gone the worries that they will have a last minute change of heart. The other huge advantage to a late match is that there is much greater assurance that the baby is healthy. He/she has either been born or is full term.

So what are the downsides of a late match? There is less time to review medical information (although there may be more of it) and surely less time to ponder the decision. I’ve found that the people who have late matches are often those who have the ability to take a “leap of faith”—they say “yes” without asking a lot of questions. Recently I had a couple learn about a baby at about 9 p. m in the evening and by the following morning they had travelled almost across the U.S. to adopt her. Late matches are not for the wary or faint of heart.

What is the in the “middle” and is the middle better? In my experience most matches occur in the last month of pregnancy and this timing seems to work well for adoptive parents—there is enough time to ask some questions, review medical information and begin to prepare for the arrival of a baby. At the same time, however, there is not too much time to wait and wonder and fear that it won’t happen. Downsides to a match that occurs a few weeks before birth? None that I can think of other than the chance that always exists of a fall through around the time of birth.

In my next blog, I’ll talk a bit about the matching process but I hope that for those of you beginning to think about adoption, this introduction to matching and timing begins to clear up some of the many mysteries of the adoption process.

When You Are the Diagnostic Puzzle

a blog by Ellen Glazer, August 4, 2011

To read more of Ellen Glazer's Conversations with an Infertility Counselor blogs, CLICK HERE.

I have a client who gets a lot of attention from her fertility doctor. And from his colleagues. And from the doctors she sees for second and third opinions. Everyone is interested in her. Everyone wants to help.

Sound like an enviable position? I know that all too often infertility patients feel that they are “numbers.” A frequent complaint is that “my doctor doesn’t remember me” or “I feel like I’m getting a cookie cutter approach.” It must sound appealing to be the patient everyone knows.

Not so, says my client.

My client gets a lot of attention because no one seems to agree about what her problem is. One doctor does a hysteroscopy and sees one thing. Another sees another. Each is sure of what he or she sees. My client sees a third doctor to break the tie, but he is not certain. He asks a radiologist who confuses things all the more. The more my patient wants an answer, the less certain she feels she will get one.

This is but one example how even in the unfair landscape of infertility, some people end up facing more unfairness than others. Among those encountering more unfairness is my client, who at this point, simply longs for a diagnosis she can count on.

Second Opinions: Do Fertility Doctors Mind when You Seek One?

a blog by Ellen Glazer, July 28, 2011

To read more of Ellen Glazer's Conversations with an Infertility Counselor blogs, CLICK HERE.

“Should we get a second opinion?” This is a question I hear all the time from clients. It is usually followed by, “ I don’t want to upset my doctor. I don’t want he/she to be angry with me for talking with someone else.”

I have no medical training, and so what I am about to say is in no way medical advice….

When people raise the question of a second opinion with me, I always encourage them to seek it. For one thing, there is a reason you are thinking about a second opinion. Either you are anxious about something your fertility doctor advised or did not advise, said or did not say. Or you are about to undertake a fertility treatment that feels like a big move to you or is very costly—you feel good about the decision, but you want someone else’s vote of confidence. Or perhaps you are feeling fine about your fertility treatment, but an infertility buddy just told you about a very helpful second opinion she had. All of these are reasons to have a second opinion. And, of course, there are more.

But what of the question of “insulting” your doctor. When people ask me about this, I always tell them about my experience with this when I worked in a fertility clinic. People would ask me all the time if they could request their records without Dr. So-and-So knowing. When I told Dr. So-and-So that some of his patients were worried about upsetting him, he did become upset. However, he was upset not because they wanted a second opinion, but because they were afraid to tell him this. This is what he said:

“I always want my patients to get second opnions. I want this for them because I want them to feel confident in my treatment, and if there is something better I could be doing, I surely want to know this. I want them to get second opinions because I learn from their consults and because I respect my colleagues.”

Fertility Heroes: Meet Abby and Tom

a blog by Ellen Glazer, July 21, 2011

To read more of Ellen Glazer's Conversations with an Infertility Counselor blogs, CLICK HERE.

When I first met Abby and Tom, they were going through in vitro fertilization (IVF). That was about 15 years ago. We met again about eight years later. Or I should say, I bumped into them. They live near me, and we saw each other in CVS. When I spotted them, I wondered if they had ever had or adopted children, but I wasn’t quite sure how to approach the topic — if at all.

Abby made it easy. “We decided not to have children, “ she said. “We’re OK. with it. We’re both liking our jobs, and we recently ran a marathon together.”

And so it was a surprise to me when I heard a sobbing voice at the other end of the phone about a year or so later and somehow recognized it was Abby. “I had a miscarriage,” she said. “It was a surprise pregnancy, and it threw me for a loop. I don’t know what to do. I need to be a mom. Can you help me?”

I met with Abby and Tom the next day, and they wasted no time in launching into adoption questions. “We want to adopt. We don’t care about the race of the child, but we do want a baby. And we’re hoping for a baby in good health. But we’re both 46, and we know this may not be possible.”

They had clearly done a lot of thinking and talking. Abby explained that they had tried hard to accept living without children, but it had never felt OK to them. Then she found herself unexpectedly pregnant, “over-the-moon with happiness and then devastated when I miscarried.” Abby and Tom had been talking about adoption from the moment she miscarried.

That was five years ago. Five years and lots of diapers and formula and infant milestones and toddler tantrums ago. Abby and Tom are now the busy, jubilant and grateful parents of Abi, 4, Eva, 3 and Corey, 2. All three of their children are African American and adopted as newborns. These days I see Abby and Tom fairly often. That is because they have become “my adoption speaker’s bureau.” Whenever I need parents to come talk with a group about adoption, I call on Abby and Tom, who love to talk about how they moved from infertility to “resolving without children” to embracing adoption. For Abby and Tom, who are white, their children’s race seems to only add to their sense of wonder and gratitude and disbelief. “I look in the mirror some days, “ Abby says “I can’t believe that I am a mom. When I pick up Abi at preschool, and someone says, ‘Abi, your mom’s here.’ I feel like jumping with pleasure.”

Abby and Tom recognize and respect the fact that adoption is not for everyone, and transracial adoption is not for many. They know, first hand, that it is often a huge, seemingly insurmountable leap to adoption. They know that some are not ready nor suited to make that leap. Both look back on that awful miscarriage with unexpected gratitude. “It was what pushed us,” Abby declares, “It was what sent us sailing so exuberantly into this adventure in parenthood.”

Fertility Heroes: Meet Jessica

a blog by Ellen Glazer, July 14, 2011

To read more of Ellen Glazer's Conversations with an Infertility Counselor blogs, CLICK HERE.

When I first met Jessica, she had just learned that her third in vitro fertilization (IVF) cycle had failed. She was 40 years old, her doctor was pushing “the egg donor conversation” and she was feeling pretty defeated. “I know infertility is hard for anyone going through it but it is especially hard for me,” Jessica said. I had heard that phrase before, but I was surprised by what followed. “I had a baby once. I placed him for adoption when I was 20. I never thought getting pregnant would be a problem.”

Jessica, a beautiful and brilliant corporate lawyer went on to explain that she had become pregnant when she was in college. She didn’t have a relationship with the birth father and didn’t much like him. Although she loved her unborn child, she could not see trying to raise him on her own, anticipating no support from the birth father and limited support from her parents who lived far away and had their sights on their daughter continuing her successful academic path. Jessica made a careful and well thought out adoption plan, said good-bye to her son and moved on in her life, marrying at 38 and trying immediately to conceive.

Four years have passed since I first met Jessica. During that time, she has reconnected with the world of adoption, but this time from the other direction: Jessica and her husband, Ralph are the parents of two young girls adopted as newborns in open adoption.

“It was easy for me to talk with birth mothers,” Jessica said. I really knew where they were coming from and what they were going through. We connected easily.” Jessica goes on to describe how different her two birth mothers are. Madeline, the birth mother of her first child, is a college student, and Maria, the birth mother of her younger daughter, is a single mother who raised three children on public assistance. Jessica says that although Madeline is more familiar to her, talking with each young woman was comfortable and reassuring. “We had some ups and downs, but I knew that they were each resolute in their adoption plan. Having had doubts myself, I remembered how one can seem uncertain and questioning but still hold fast to the adoption plan.”

Indeed, both Madeline and Maria placed their babies with Jessica and Ralph. Soon after Abigail, her first daughter’s arrival, Jessica took a leave of absence from her job. She said that she had waited too long to be a mother to miss anything. “Some of my colleagues at work don’t understand this. They had no idea that becoming a mother was so important to me. Of course, they have no clue of what it really means.”

In private, Jessica has told me what it “really means” for her to be a mother. She says that she was very briefly a mother 20 plus years ago but that when she placed Alex, the baby she gave birth to, for adoption, “I transferred my motherhood to the woman I chose to be his mother.” Jessica says that the process of transferring motherhood felt sanctified to her and that with it she had to fully accept “non-motherhood.” At least for a time.

“When you were going through infertility, did you ever think of Alex as your child?” I asked Jessica. She looked puzzled by my question. “Not at all, “ she said emphatically. “He has a mother, and it is not me.” Jessica went on to explain that it was her fervent belief in transfer of motherhood and “the sanctification of adoption” that enabled her to so fully and naturally embrace adoption. “I knew that when someone placed a baby in my arms and said I was the mother, I would truly be that child’s mother. It may sound corny, but it was so abundantly clear to me.”

Indeed, Jessica is an awesome mother. She has two very different little girls — one shy and artistic, the other bold and athletic. It is clear in seeing them together that Jessica cherishes each child for who she is and that she loves them fully, unconditionally and with the confidence that comes from being a real, true mother.

Fertility Heroes: Meet Cathy

a blog by Ellen Glazer, July 7, 2011

To read more of Ellen Glazer's Conversations with an Infertility Counselor blogs, CLICK HERE.

“I never thought I’d be this person,” Cathy told me. I thought that I might never marry or I would marry and have a bunch of kids. I never thought I’d be struggling with secondary infertility. I never even really knew about secondary infertility."

Cathy is a very talented 37 year old architect. She’s modest and doesn’t like to call attention to herself, but one need only to Google her to see that Cathy has played a major role in designing some outstanding public buildings. Having known countless other talented people going through infertility, I understand how Cathy’s ability to “make things happen,” makes trying to get pregnant all the more frustrating. She can’t make it happen.

Cathy’s first pregnancy came easily. She conceived her son, Noah, when she was 35 and recently married. The pregnancy was uneventful, the delivery was fine and Cathy sailed into motherhood never anticipating that problems lay ahead. That said, she was aware that fertility drops off after 35 and did not delay in trying for another baby. When I first met Cathy, three years and four IVF’s had passed by. She was feeling increasingly discouraged.

“I need to figure out a way to cope with this,” Cathy said. “I don’t want to miss this precious time in Noah’s life because I am trying so hard to make him a big brother. Cathy went on to say that she had thought about leaving her job in order to be able to spend more time with Noah, but that didn’t seem like the solution. “I like my work, and it is one thing I feel good about at a time when I don’t feel so great about some things in my life.”

After a great deal of thought and long conversations with her husband, Cathy decided to end fertility treatment. This did not initially end her longing for another child, but she said it succeeded in taking her from beneath the dark cloud of infertility. She was relieved not to be thinking about getting pregnant all the time, and she felt that she had regained some control over her life. Her time was now her own, she was no longer shuttling back and forth from her blood draws and ultrasounds.

Time passed and I lost contact with Cathy but recently I received an email from her. It read as follows, “I just wanted to say hi and tell you that we are all doing really well. Noah is 7 and in first grade. He is a great little boy and fun company. Jake (her husband) and I are doing well. We seem to have found a nice balance between parenthood and couple’s time, work and family. In short, life is good. I wanted to write and tell you that because I know you saw me when I was so down and out, so focused on what I didn’t have instead of on what I have. I can’t say that I don’t have pangs when I see larger families, but I always make a conscious effort to always bring myself back to the moment--to where I was before I briefly envied someone else. So as I said, life is good.”

Fertility Heroes: Meet Laura and Tim

a blog by Ellen Glazer, June 30, 2011

To read more of Ellen Glazer's Conversations with an Infertility Counselor blogs, CLICK HERE.

When I first met Laura and Tim they were 28 years old and had been trying to conceive for just over a year. Young, healthy and from big “fertile” families, they had anticipated that Laura would get pregnant as soon as they began trying. Instead, month after month brought disappointment.

Eventually, Laura and Tim contacted a fertility doctor, but even then, they assumed that whatever was preventing pregnancy was minor and that a reproductive endocrinologist could help improve their fertility. Hence they were shocked and devastated to learn that Laura had premature ovarian failure. She was only 28, but her body was beginning menopause.

Like many other women with POF, Laura was offered egg donation. I will always remember her reaction. She was horrified. Indignant. Absolutely certain it was not for her. Adoption was somewhat more appealing, but both Laura and Tim were clear about one thing: they needed some time to sort out their feelings and try to determine what was best for them. I thought I would hear from them in a few months, but more than a year went by. Then Laura called.

“Hi. I’m sorry we haven’t been in touch, but it has been a busy year.” She sounded much better than when we had last spoken. I listened on. "Tim and I went to a dude ranch for a vacation, and we came back hooked on riding. We’ve been riding a lot and we really enjoy it.” Then she went on. "Tim and I have started talking about our desire to be parents, and I know this is going to come as a huge shock to you, but we want to try egg donation.”

I was surprised, but as Laura went on, it all made sense. She explained that she had been so angry and startled when egg donation was first mentioned to her that she hadn’t been able to see that it offered her two of the things that she wanted most: to be pregnant and to have Tim’s baby. She made an appointment with me, and she and Tim came in to learn more about the women who are donating eggs and the process of receiving them.

Laura and Tim quickly moved forward with egg donation (“quickly” but after years of thinking about it). Sadly, luck was once again not on their side. Their egg donor didn’t respond well to the fertility drugs, and although they “eeked out” an embryo to transfer, Laura did not become pregnant. I remember the next call I got from her.

“I need your help,” she said with a combination of distress and optimism. “After all that, egg donation didn’t work out, and we’re moving on to adoption. You got me to egg donation, and I know you can get me to adoption. I’m just not there yet.”

I met with Laura and Tim, and we spent some time reflecting on all they had been through. Theirs had been a long journey so far, but as they observed, not so difficult. They had used their years of waiting to become parents to enjoy being together, to ride near home and at the dude ranch, to advance in the jobs. But now they were ready — more than ready — to be parents.

“What about a sibling group?” Laura asked. At first I was surprised by her question. Most people I meet who come to adoption after infertility want to adopt a newborn infant. Laura — and it turns out, Tim — were different in this regard. “If we’re going to adopt, we’re going to do something different — something we hadn’t planned on doing. We’re thinking we’ll go to Russia and adopt a sibling group.”

Again, I was surprised. For many people Russia represents the most “scary” kind of adoption. There seems to be a higher risk of fetal alcohol syndrome or fetal alcohol effect. In addition, there are stories of poor orphanage care. Russian adoption is also expensive and involves three trips to Russia. I mentioned each of these issues in as neutral a way as I could and realized, by Laura and Tim’s responses, that they were not turning back.

“We want to go to Russia, “ Laura said. “And we’re up for bringing back siblings.”

And that is how Laura and Tim embarked on the path that brought them to Alexander and Liliana, birth siblings who spent the first few years of their lives in an orphanage outside St. Petersburg. Alexander was 5 when Laura and Tim brought him home. Liliana was 3. They are now 9 and 7, and both are thriving.

I ran into Laura at a sporting goods store recently. Alexander was with her. They were buying soccer cleats. When she saw me, Laura gave me a big hug and said, “Can you believe it? Can you believe that Tim and I ever thought twice about adoption? Can you believe that this is my amazing little boy?”

You can believe that Laura is one of my heroes.

Fertility Heroes: Meet Joy

a blog by Ellen Glazer, June 23, 2011

When I first met Joy, her name did not fit: she was anything but joyful. Joy was 44 at the time and painfully single. A very attractive woman with a quick wit, Joy looked like the kind of woman who would have no trouble attracting men. Indeed, she confirmed this — over the years she had had countless eager dates.

But as is all too often the case, the right man had not come along. Joy had thought about becoming a single mother off and on since she was 38, but had always put this decision aside, hoping that if she waited a bit longer and tried a little harder, she would find a partner.

Joy began trying to have a child through sperm donation when she 43. She conceived on her third insemination, spent a few jubilant weeks and was then crushed by a miscarriage at seven weeks gestation. A self-made millionaire, Joy was able to afford to try in vitro fertilization (IVF) with sperm donation, and she wasted no time in launching this effort. It, too, led to disappointment and worse still, self blame.

“I shouldn’t have waited so long,“ Joy declared when I met her. She berated herself for waiting until she was past 40 to try to conceive on her own saying, “I’m capable, I have ample financial resources, and supportive family and friends. There was really nothing stopping me.”

Although it was tempting to urge Joy to stop blaming herself, I had learned from past experiences that when someone is in the throes of self blame, the worst thing is to try to talk them out of it. Its power has a strangle hold on them, and it is best to let someone grapple with that affliction on their own, which is exactly what Joy did.

“I’m going to adopt,” Joy announced one day. “I’m going to adopt a little girl from China.” This was a few years ago, when adoptions from China were moving along at a steady pace, and China was still placing with single women. No sooner did Joy sign on for Chinese adoption than this changed: China closed to single women. Joy was upset but far more resilient than I’d anticipated. “I’ll find another path,” she said. And find another path she did. Joy signed up to adopt from Vienam. And then it closed.

“I can’t do this,” Joy said. “I’m getting a message. I’m not meant to be a parent. That is why nothing is working.” Once again, I knew enough not to try to persuade her otherwise. Joy felt too defeated by having not one, but two programs close in her face. She needed some time.

Three months passed, and I was meeting with a couple just back from Ethiopia with two sons, ages 4 and 6. The boys were captivating, and their parents were over the top with delight. While I was meeting with them, I had a thought. “Would you be willing to talk with a single woman I know. She’s very discouraged. The door to adoption keeps shutting in her face. Ethiopia is accepting single women, and I’d really like her to hear your story.”

My couple said yes, and to my surprise with just a bit of pressure from me, Joy agreed to meet with them. She phoned me right after the visit and said, “This is it. I’m going to Ethiopia. I’m going to give it a try and get all my adoption paperwork changed.” And with that, Joy began scrambling to have all her documents in order for Ethiopia. I have never seen anyone who is adopting go into such high gear so fast.

Two months later I walked into my office very early in the morning and saw the light on my phone flashing. “Oh no, “ I thought, “who called in the middle of the night? This can’t be good.” How wrong I was. When I listened to the message, I heard what sounded like two (or more) little girls giggling and speaking in broken English that I could not understand. Then I heard an adult woman say to them in the background, ‘Now it’s my turn girls.” With that, Joy picked up the phone and left me the following message. I will always cherish it. “It’s me, Joy, and I’m in Ethiopia. I have two daughters. They are beautiful. A miracle has happened. A family has been formed.”

Fertility Heroes: Meet Lily

a blog by Ellen Glazer, June 16, 2011

When I first met Lily she was grappling with the news that it was unlikely she would conceive with her own eggs. She was 43 at the time and although the news was not surprising to me, it was to her.

Like so many other women I meet, Lily is athletic, eats carefully and, in general, takes great care of herself. She is trim and youthful, and she assumed her eggs were as robust as she is. She is also a hard worker who has generally found that if she puts her mind to something, she accomplishes it. A familiar picture and a hard one. Lily was devastated to hear that her eggs were most likely “too old.”

“But I have a daughter, Emma, that is waiting to be born.” Lily told me. She explained that she has had an image in her mind —for several years — of a little girl named Emma. She was able to describe Emma, and she said that she often sees her in dreams. When this happens, Emma always tells her she is coming.

It was about four months after I met Lily that she and her husband Rick went to the Caribbean on vacation. When they returned, Lily was different than when I’d last seen her. Her pain had greatly diminished, and in it’s place, new hope. Lily told me that she had decided to seek an egg donor. When I asked how she had made this decision, she recounted the following story, “Rick and I went to the water’s edge. As we stood there on the sand watching the waves, I heard a little girl’s voice. It was Emma. She said, ‘Mommy I am coming.’ It was then that I knew that Emma would come to me through egg donation and that she would still be my Emma — the little girl I have been waiting for.”

Emma did come, but her journey here was not an easy one — at least not for her parents. Lily and Rick sought and found an egg donor who shared Lily’s somewhat unusual ethnicity. They had a great meeting with her and were all set to move forward when the egg donor was found to have a medical problem. Ever focused, Lily and Rick regrouped, found a second egg donor, had another great meeting with her and entered into an egg donor cycle. Lily conceived on the first try, had an easy and uneventful pregnancy and a delivery that nearly robbed her of her life. She remembers the anesthesiologist holding newborn Emma and saying, “Hang in there, Mommy, we need you to pull through, your little girl needs you.” Lily did pull through, but remembers many physicians and nurses telling her how frightened they were during and just following her delivery.

Many women might have abandoned any notions of expanding their family following such a frightening experience, especially with the news that the doctors had had to remove her uterus in order to save her life. Not Lily. She and Rick had frozen embryos, and she quickly revealed that Emma was not an only child. While she had focused primarily on her vision of Emma, she let me know that Emma has a brother who also figures in her dreams and in her vision of her family. He is Michael, and as Lily points out, “there are also girls named Michael.” She explains that her vision is of a boy, but should one of the cryopreserved embryos result in the birth of another girl, she would be Michael.

And so Lily embarked on the next leg of her journey. When Emma was still quite young, Lily and Rick began researching surrogacy. Just as they had learned all they could about egg donation when they needed to, they now focused on becoming mini-experts on surrogacy. Before long they had identified a gestational carrier whom they liked and trusted. Two embryos were thawed and transferred. Two weeks later, Josie, their gestational carrier, called to tell them she had done a home pregnancy test.

“It’s positive!” she exclaimed on the phone. The news was confirmed at Lily’s clinic the following day. Josie is now five months pregnant. Lily and Rick are joyfully awaiting Michael’s birth. They are not telling if Emma will have a brother or a sister.

Fertility Heroes

a blog by Ellen Glazer, June 9, 2011

I don’t know about you, but I’m a big fan of CNN Heroes. I look forward each year to Thanksgiving night when CNN pays tribute to men and women doing remarkable things to help make the world a better place.

In a very different kind of way, I have my own heroes — “Infertility Heroes.” These are not the men and women who are developing new techniques for treating infertility — the fertility doctors (reproductive endocrinologists), the embryologists and the scientists developing new fertility drugs. Nor are they the people shepherding parents-in-waiting through the confusing and often arduous adoption process. Surely, many of these people are heroes as well and deserve recognition. But they are not the ones I am thinking of now.

I want to celebrate “unsung” heroes — women and men who find resourceful ways of facing and resolving their infertility.

Each week for the next month or so I will introduce a different “Infertility Hero” in this blog. I will begin each entry with “When I first met so-and-so ...” My reason for this is that everyone describes their experience as a “journey,” and my goal in these blog postings is to capture the nature of the journey. The women and men you will meet here do not all have unusual journeys, but each has courage, fortitude, and the ability to shift gears and to maintain a clear perspective on what really matters in life.

I hope you will look forward to meeting Lily, a mom through both egg donation and surrogacy; Joy, a single mother of two daughters adopted from Ethiopia; Laura and Tim, the parents of a Russian born sibling group; Cathy, who struggled with secondary infertility; and Jessica, a birthmother and adoptive mother; and Abby and Tom, the adoptive parents of three children of color. It was my great privilege to accompany all of them for part of the way on their journey to parenthood.