Resolution

Resolution

The media portrays infertility resolution as a successful pregnancy and healthy baby, but that is not always the reality. Live birth rates for even the most high-tech treatments are less than 50 percent per attempt.

What is Resolution?

Resolution is actually determining what your place will be in the world following infertility diagnosis and having peace with that choice. It’s the plan you devise to “solve” the life crisis of infertility. Some people need to exhaust all treatment options before they are ready to look at other family building options. Others find that advanced treatments are not for them, and move on to find resolution sooner. Stopping treatment does not necessarily mean that you have resolved your infertility and that you know what you will do next. It does mean is that you feel like you no longer want to pursue tests and treatments and you do want to stop living the life of an infertility patient. Deciding that “enough is enough” usually takes time.

How do You Get There?

Finding resolution might mean accepting a reality that you did not expect, such as not giving birth to a genetic child. You must grieve your losses including the pregnancy, birth, and baby that you would have created. Keep in mind that it is difficult to mourn something you never had, and sometimes professional help is needed to help you work through that process.

Moving on from treatment and considering other family building options such as adoption, donor egg, donor sperm or childfree living is one of the hardest decisions you will have to make. If you have a partner you are not making this decision in a vacuum; his or her voice is just as important.

Part of reaching resolution is asking yourself what is most important to you — being a parent or being pregnant? The answer to that question may determine what other family building options you will consider in the future. Donor egg or donor sperm may result in pregnancy, but if being a parent is the most important thing to you, perhaps looking into adoption is the next step.

Don’t be fooled into thinking that when you resolve your infertility that infertility will be behind you. Experiencing infertility changes you; it makes you stronger, and gives you tools for managing other times when your life feels out of control. It also takes away your innocence; you begin to realize you can’t count on everything in life to work out.

The pain of infertility will pass, but you will not forget the experience or the toll it took on you.