Video: The Relationship with Your Surrogate

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Mark: When we got the email with her application, and I read the application, there was an honesty about it that I found very appealing. And that honesty was the foundation for the relationship going forward. There's no guidebook as to what sort of relationship you should have. It was, basically, the surrogate and largely Kathy deciding how this should work, and it worked really nicely. I'd say she set the tone and the tenor for kindness in the relationship… Kathy: I agree. Mark: … and we responded in kind. Which is ironic. I never thought of it until just now. She set the tone and tenor for the complete candor at the beginning of our relationship, and we responded in kind. The acts of kindness work two ways. I mean, she was very kind to us. She was always very considerate to us. Kathy: There was no agenda. Mark: She was always going out of her way to do nice things for us. We felt that the only way the relationship could work, if we were going to be successful, was if we built on the foundation that she set of complete honesty. And, frankly, that's probably why, to this day, we have such a good relationship with her, her family, and such warm, loving feelings for them. Kathy: When people call, references; people call me to ask what my experiences were with her, sometimes I say I'm the wrong person to ask because I had the best experience, the most special person in the world as my gestational carrier. I was there every week almost in Boston. Sawyer will be two in July. Yesterday, I received some flowers from my gestational carrier saying "Happy Mother's Day." And I had sent her, from the same type of flowers, "Happy Mother's Day." We talk every week. Everybody's experience is their own experience, and everyone has a different experience, and some people don't want to have the relationship with the surrogate the way we did, and that has to be respected. It's a personal decision in finding your own surrogate. I say, go with your gut feeling. If it doesn't feel right, walk away. Mark: God blessed us by putting us together with a wonderful surrogate.