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Donor Egg Love: A Modern Love Story
by Jessica Dabney
I remember the day as if it was yesterday. I was in my car driving to work, on the phone with a friend, and I was sobbing. I had just found out that my four embryos had died in a petri dish and my chances of having a baby were very slim. What I remember most was my friend saying to me, “If what you want is to have a baby you can do that, it just might not happen the way you had planned.” It was as if an explosion went off! At that moment I realized that she was right! If the goal was a baby, that was something that I could do. I drove to my office and began researching egg donation. That was February 2004. In March 2005, I gave birth to my son with the help of Kirsten, my son’s genetic mother.
My journey through egg donation has been nothing but miraculous, from the moment I made the decision to do it, to today, my son’s 4th birthday. After choosing Kirsten, my husband and I met with her and fell in love on the spot. And my son, well, you’d have to meet him to know how incredibly special he is. I can’t explain this but there are so many things he seems to get from me—he gets nose bleeds and so do I (my husband doesn’t); he is afraid of clowns just like me (my husband isn’t); he loves ketchup like I do (my husband doesn’t); the list goes on and on!
What I can also tell you with 100 percent certainty is that the love I feel for my son is the same as the love I would feel for a genetic child. I know this because I have a daughter from my own egg. She was born after five years of trying, several “procedures”, countless inseminations and three in vitro fertilization (IVF) cycles. When she was 2-years-old I decided it was time for another one. I was devastated when the embryos died in the dish before transfer. But now I am in the incredibly rare position of having one of each—one girl and one boy, yes, but also one genetic child and one egg donor child.
What I know in my heart and my soul is that there is no difference in the way I feel about them or the way they feel about me.
A baby is a baby, and no matter how they come to you they are yours once you have them.
Jessica Dabney has been a practicing attorney for 13 years specializing in litigation, criminal law and real estate. Since 2002, Ms. Dabney has been the head of the Brokerage and Legal Departments at North American Realty. She lives in California with her husband and two children.