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Love, Sex and Infertility

by Kristen Magnacca, Feb. 9, 2010

With Valentine’s Day approaching, now's a great time to shift the energy around your current situation by calling in the love!

In this special FertilityAuthority event, author, consultant, and coach Kristen Magnacca shares with you some simple strategies for communicating your needs more effectively to you partner, managing your upcoming fertility treatments and bringing love into your mind, body and soul.

Negotiating Love!

How do you keep your relationship intimate when the act of creating your family feels so crowded?

    Negotiating what each party needs while trying to conceive is so important. In my experience, you need to have a discussion about what your needs are and what your partner needs during a fertility treatment cycle.

    You might be thinking, "Come on, one more abnormal task we both have to do!", but in actuality, in strong, healthy marriages, negotiation is a skill that can make all the difference in all parts of the relationship. I love negotiation instead of compromise because in a compromise someone usually feels short changed … like they are giving something up.

    So, purchase Paul Simon’s album Negotiations and Love Songs, snuggle up with your honey and ask questions. Be curious as to what each other's needs are because, in the end, both of you will benefit from this discussion.

    Here’s a question to get you both going:

      What is the most important thing I can do during this time to make you feel appreciated and loved?

    After you determine what's important to each other, you need to act upon it! The information is key, but taking action is what makes change!

Celebrating Victories!

On the day of my egg transfer, my RE mentioned that if this didn't work, we could do another IVF. Another thing that a woman doesn't want to hear on her transfer day. I'm not sure what to do with this feeling?

    I am so sorry that you’re upset and I would like to acknowledge all that it took for you and your husband to get to you both to your transfer day. Congratulations on completing all the necessary injections, blood draws and ultrasounds to get you to that room and onto the transfer table.

    Your question emphasizes how important words are to patients! They are so powerful! The words we use internally and the words we use externally to each other matter!

    Make sure you acknowledge your feelings and then give yourself credit for all you and your husband did to get to the egg transfer stage. And then, do something else!

    Celebrating small victories and calling in joy along the way shifts your energy. It takes so many tasks to get to the point of insemination or egg transfer that acknowledging all that you’ve done along the way is a must! It's an endeavor well worth the moment of remembering and celebrating.

What else?

    Get the emotions out any way you feel works best for you. Emotions run high and are so intense during such a stress-filled endeavor.

    Breathe, journal, scream, cry, go for a walk . . . but let 'em out the way you know best.

Remember you can win a copy of Kristen's award-winning book, Love and Infertility! Click here for details!

Have a question for Kristen? Ask it below!