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Should You or Should You Not Wait on an Unavailable Egg Donor?


Sheryl Steinberg, Senior Case Manager, New England, The Donor SOURCE, April 18, 2011

I wanted to be helpful to those searching for an egg donor, and I have some thoughts on an issue that seems to come up quite often. Should you or should you not wait on an unavailable egg donor?

You have been looking for an egg donor for what seems like forever, and you finally found the woman that “speaks” to you. You love her. She looks like your little sister, she went to the same university, her ethnicity is the same as yours, and she is also an avid runner, just like you are. Your partner feels the same way, and you have found the one!

You quickly call the egg donor agency only to find out she is not available. How can this happen? You found the one. Well, so did someone else, and they grabbed her five minutes before you did. They also found the one. They love her too, and they are faxing in contracts and documents to move forward as you speak.

Now the dilemma, do you wait for her or move on? This is a tough one for sure. My advice is to let it go and move on. You will find someone else. I know it is so disappointing, and you feel there is no possible way to ever find another, but there is absolutely no guarantee that she will do another cycle, and, in the meantime, you are wasting precious time.

As an egg donor agency we cannot ask an egg donor to do another cycle while presently In a cycle, and we would certainly not take any form of payment or deposit to hold her. I am asked this all the time. “Please just see if she thinks she will do another after this. We can pay now. We will wait."

There are too many factors to consider. What if she finds this experience unpleasant and simply does not want to do another? Perhaps she doesn’t have a good cycle, and the clinic does not recommend using her again, and she is suspended. Maybe there are issues during the cycle with the recipient, and the cycle is delayed for many months, and now that the cycle is complete she has decided to move to Europe. She has always wanted to go ...

Now, after all these months of waiting, there is nothing you can do about it. She is once again unavailable, and you are right back at square one. Of course, there are times when the wait is worth it and she agrees to cycle with you after she is finished, and all went well. You have to decide if you can take the time to wait and deal with the consequences if it does not work out.

In my experience, most often, the egg donor does not want to do another cycle right away. I would suggest moving forward, finding another donor and enjoying the time being pregnant (we hope) that much quicker.


Sheryl Steinberg, The Donor SOURCE's Senior Case Manager for New England, has more than 10 years of experience in the education field. She most recently served as a liaison assisting an international clientele from more than 30 countries with every facet of their transition to living and studying in the United States. Her background in project management, along with her experience as a facilitator, advocate, cultural guide and “stand-in” mother to those young students leaving their families to study abroad, makes Sheryl the perfect person to guide prospective egg donors and parents through the egg donation and matching process. Sheryl is thrilled and honored to be able to make such a difference in the lives of the families that she helps.