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Cheers to A New Year
A blog by Alexis DelChiaro, January 1, 2015
The New Year is all about new beginnings. The hope that this year will be better than the last, a clean slate to start anew and for us gals struggling with infertility, 12 chances to get the heck off this IF island. I'd like to think my new beginning will come in the form of a growing baby bump (crosses fingers) and hopefully it will...someday. But like any realistic and slightly bitter infertility warrior, I am well aware that it could be awhile before there's a crying baby in my empty nursery. Soooo in the spirit of personal growth, inner peace and fresh starts; I give you my 5 Fertility Resolutions for the New Year.
1) Be happy. No. Matter. What.
This is my struggle. I find myself constantly thinking, "I would be completely and utterly happy IF." If I was pregnant, if I found a baby to adopt, if I were a mom etc etc. Why can't I just be happy now? So in 2015, I will be happy wherever I am and thankful for whatever I have! No more of this waiting to have a baby to be truly happy. Am I just going to waste away my 30's wishing for happiness in the form of a baby? Nope. Happiness starts now.
2) Reconnect with friends that are preggo/have babies.
I have been a bad friend. It's true and I know it. (I hang my head in guilt as I write this.) At the beginning of my infertility struggle I pumped myself up, plastered on a fake smile and endured every baby shower, family gathering, and baby convention (aka lunch with friends.) At first I could handle it, but the longer it went on the worse it made me feel. I'd burst into tears on the drive home with feelings of inadequacy, shame and sorrow. I thought "Why am I torturing myself like this?" So I basically cut myself off from the world of preggo bellies and newborn babies. I wish I was stronger and that I could have been there for my friends, but I just wasn't and I'm sorry. I resolve to be a better friend to ALL my friends in the New Year.
3) Be kind to myself.
Boy have I run the gamut of self loathing feelings over the year. Blame, guilt, anger, frustration, pity...just to name a few. That's what infertility does, it makes you hate your body for being so unfair. To top it off I've been practically killing myself to "make the right fertility choices"...take the those supplements, don't drink that, eat these foods, meditate often, stress less, sleep more...ahhhhh! That's enough to drive a gal crazy! While it's true my body may be misbehaving, I still need to go easy on me. Love more, criticize less.
4) Find my MOJO.
Somewhere in this infertility nightmare, I lost my mojo. My spirit has been broken and I'm just not the person I used to be. I'd like to think my pre-fertility self was full of life, energy and charisma. My husband says it's all still in me and he can see flashes of it once in awhile, but I'd like to find my mojo full time. I'd probably have more mojo if I spent more time with friends (see resolution #2) and less time in my infertility cave. More high heels and red lips for me in 2015; less sweatpants and ponytails!
5) Become a momma.
Duh, right? This one probably seems obvious but I'd be remiss if I didn't mention it. You see, this fertility battle is designed to make you question if you should even be a parent. "Maybe it's just not in the cards? Perhaps God has a different plan for me? Why is this so difficult if it's supposed to happen?" Well here's a news flash: all that is GARBAGE. I will beat infertility. I will be a mom. I will hold my baby. Repeat 3 times daily and enjoy with a glass of vino now and again.
Cheers to a prosperous and fertile New Year!