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Who Do You Tell About Your Fertility Struggles?
a blog by Amy Klein, March 11, 2014
I kept all my fertility struggles a secret for a while. Now in retrospect, I wish I hadn't -- but I had my reasons.
First, because it all started a week after my wedding, when I discovered I was pregnant. I had to find a doctor – and fast! But I didn’t want to tell anyone yet, because it was still early. Where I come from, you don’t tell people until you’re three months in—superstition of casting the evil eye.
So I had to casually ask people for doctor recommendations, pretending I was just looking for a regular ob-gyn as we started on our quest for a baby. Meanwhile I was freaking out – where to begin? The recommendations were overwhelming, and I ended up picking someone just because she was a woman whose office was near my house (the main advice I got from regular, fertile women, was to choose a doctor nearby to cut the amount of time each visit would take.)
Well, by the time I made it to her office, my pregnancy had ended (that morning!). And I didn’t tell anyone about it. Nor did I tell anyone the next time either. My husband had a family party that weekend and we didn’t want to ruin it.
We didn’t tell anyone about doing IUIs either – even though our schedule was kind of beholden to it (I say “kind of” because it was nothing compared to IVF). But we still had to hold open the dates of the procedure, I still had to shlep to the doctor’s office a few times a week, having ditched the woman who was close to my house because of her terrible bedside manner. (see, location isn’t everything).
It was only when we got to IVF, a year after starting down this tricky road, that I even mentioned to people that we were trying. That something was going on.
Now, in retrospect, I was I had starting talking earlier. Not only to my one or two close friends, but to family, to near strangers butting in to my life, asking me, “when I was going to have a baby already?” (Sheesh, did I look that chubby?)
I wish I had shared that I was having trouble, because then I would have found out that so many other people were too. I wish I had because it took so much energy just to lead this double life: my happy, fun Facebook life, and my secret two-week-wait life.
Do you talk about your fertility troubles with other people? Who?