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Seven Steps to a Fertility Resolution

A blog by Anne Belden, MS, PCC, December 12, 2014

This holiday season, set some fertility resolutions for yourself. It’s easy to get pulled off center by relatives tugging at us to do or not to do things, that we know, in our hearts are best for us to do or not to do. Sometimes that looks like: “Oh, just come to this family gathering, everyone wants you to meet Baby X.” Or maybe it’s: “ Take a break from all that IVF stuff, it’ll be good for you.”

But how do you do it? Sometimes just writing down an intention can be enough, but for many of us, we need something bigger, bolder and splashier!

Crossing the Fertility Line is exactly that. By actually making a line on the floor, and then crossing over it as we state our resolution out loud, can truly help us keep our promise to ourselves. By moving our bodies, it helps to integrate our desire, much more than just saying it to our own sweet selves.

It also helps when we make our resolution very concrete and measurable, rather than a big outcome. For example, a big outcome looks something like: “I want to be less sad this holiday season about not having a baby." While we might want this, it is pretty darn hard to figure out how to do that when we are caught up in our last unsuccessful IVF cycle. But if we make it something really measurable, that will ultimately lead to our big outcome, it might be doable. So, something like: “I am going to watch one funny YouTube video each day,” is measurable and might lead us on the path to that big outcome.

Here is the step by step process to come up with a Fertility Resolution that will help you stay connected to your strongest anchor, the Wise Woman Within :

  1. Think of two or three big goals you would like to achieve this month. An example would be something like I want to be with my new baby niece this holiday and not be jealous constantly” Write yours down here:
    • Outcome #1
    • Outcome #2
    • Outcome #3
  2. Circle the one that feels the juiciest, or has the most zest.
  3. Now come up with 2 or 3 specific commitments that you think might point you in the direction of that outcome. An example would be “ I’m going to speak my honest feelings and tell my sister that while I am happy for her, I am sad for me” Naming our feelings can be a huge help in managing them.
    • Process goal #1
    • Process goal #2
    • Process goal #3
  4. Pick the one that tickles your inner fancy the most and write it on an index card or any piece of paper .
  5. Find a compassionate witness - your partner, best friend, favorite relative, or even your beloved dog will do in a pinch. You want someone who will support you without judging, and who you feel safe checking in with. You don’t have to have this, but it does help to say this out loud with someone as a witness.
  6. Now make a line down your room with a piece of yarn, a yardstick, or masking tape. Stand up and put your index card on one side of the line, and stand on the other side. As you cross the line toward your card, say boldly and resolutely, “I am going to speak honestly to my sister and tell her I am happy for her and sad for me," or whatever yours is.
  7. Finally, pick up the card and stick it somewhere obvious - the fridge is a good place. Look at it each day to remind yourself of your Fertility Resolution, and your commitment to yourself.

What is your Fertility Line? I’d love to hear — Inspire others to cross their line and post yours here!

PS : Don’t wait till New Years - this is a line you want to draw and cross now, to help you get through the holidays.


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