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Inside Out: Thoughts of the IF mind

My name is Brenda. I am 35, slightly neurotic, short, full of control issues, mildly sarcastic, and am not one to turn down a good piece of cheesecake. People who don't know me well call me quiet and strong. Those who do know I'm thoughtful and stubborn. I am married to one of the really good ones who is truly the love of my life. He is the smartest, funniest, most perfect "pain in my ass" person that I know.

We have been trying to create a family of 3 since August 2005. We are infertile. Lots of testing, procedures, surgeries, one IUI, 2 IVFs, a little endometriosis, elevated FSH, DOR, and severely fragmented embryos have brought us to our third and final "closure" IVF cycle. These are the thoughts that swirl around my infertile head.

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a blog by Brenda

How about a little Confession Time!! I’ll go first.

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I seem to be at a loss for words these days. My head is such a confused, jumbled mess that, were I earning frequent flyer miles on my emotions, I'd likely have two roundtrip tickets to Fiji by now.

I guess somewhere deep in the crevices of my delusional mind there still exists a happy place where Santa Claus is real, wishes made on stars really do come true, and sex (or even a magical fertility clinic’s lab) actually equals babies. It is in this place where I also harbored the unrealistic idea that by simply going to my magical clinic of choice for our final IVF I would find that ever elusive step to “closure” an easy one.

Surprise!! Foiled again by the folds of infertility.

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a blog by Brenda

When I was first contacted about writing a blog on FertilityAuthority, my immediate thought was “No way!” (Sorry, Laurie.) I couldn't imagine going on a public site to share the most intimate and pri

Comments (1)

Adoption is always a good option. Especially with good parents who can't conceive their own and can raise a good kid who would otherwise maybe not have the best life. My mother was adopted and I am so happy that she was instead of being left in the foster care system.

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