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10 Questions to Ask Yourself Before Deciding to Use a Gestational Carrier

A blog by Dania Sander, August 25, 2014

This morning I am thinking about possibilities on the path to parenthood. There are times where we feel that we maxed all our options and there for we loose hope.

I wanted to take some time to share from my own experience and give some insight into a subject that isn’t often talked about and might seem very overwhelming: Having a baby via gestational carrier.

Our journey was one that produced no positive results with multiple IVF cycles, an Egg donor who produced 17 embryos and non took, and one pregnancy that had to be terminated around the fifth month. As a result of years of feeling that we aren’t moving forward in the creation of our family, I needed a shift in our process and mostly I need to give my body a rest.

Committed to the process of having a family my husband and I decided to look at all the options that were available to use and see what we could commit to.

We saw an adoption support group and decided to start by getting our home study approved and prepare to move forward with adoption.

In parallel we decided to learn more about surrogacy/gestational carrier to see if it would be a good choice for us.

A gestational carrier is a woman who gives birth to a baby for another woman who cannot have children. A gestational carrier is different from a surrogate because a surrogate provides the egg as well as giving birth, while a gestational carrier uses a fertilized egg that is placed inside her, which does not contain her DNA.

When we went to meet with an agency which specialized in gestational carriers to see what the process was about and if we could choose it – we were beyond inspired. We were moved about the possibilities and decided to put the adoption process on hold and see what the path of using a gestational carrier would look like.

That decision started with a long discovery process that allowed the agency to understand more about us and more about who we were looking for to be our gestational carrier. It required learning about the process and many questions were raised.

I am writing this blog post to share with you some of the first questions that came to mind which we needed to address. I hope it can help you start your own thought process about this amazing possibility for you on the path to parenthood.

  1. How important is it for me to carry a pregnancy and give birth?
  2. How soon do you want to build a family? “Have we researched ALL of our options such as: Adoption, Traditional Surrogacy, Gestational Carriers, Egg Donor”?
  3. How important is it for you to keep your genetics in your future children?
  4. How will you feel when letting go of your need to be pregnant?
  5. Can my relationship with my husband withstand the stress of pursuing a non-traditional pregnancy?
  6. Are you willing to let go of controlling the process and trusting in a gestational carrier to manifest a healthy pregnancy for your family?
  7. Some states require that you adopt your baby after he/she is born with GC and a few don’t. Would that be something you are comfortable with or would you reduce your search only to the states, that don’t require this extra step?
  8. Do I have the time and ability to take care of all the logistics in the process or am I willing to have an agency take care of all logistics.
  9. If all obstacles are put aside, what am I willing to do in order to have a family?
  10. What is my motive for pursuing children via a gestational carrier?

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