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Living Child Free After Infertility Treatment: Part Three

a blog by Helen Adrienne, LCSW, October 3, 2013

Click here to read Part Two.

There are two considerations that you might find helpful in making the last decision of the infertility saga:

First, some decisions never feel like they are 100% right. A decision that is 51% to 49% is still a decision for one thing and against something else. This could be the case with living child-free. It would be recommended that you honor the 49% or the 30% or even the 1% of you that wants the opposite of your choice and come to terms with it. This may require patience and kindness to yourself and perhaps even seeking out a skilled practitioner whom you can use to facilitate putting the issue in its place. It would be normal to look back years from now and wonder what your life would be like if you had made a different decision.

And second, you may not realize that the challenges of crises and the difficult decisions that go with them would appear in your marriage eventually in some form or another, even if you had been as fertile as a rabbit. In fact, the silver lining in the clouds is that because infertility is so huge an issue, traversing the emotional challenges, sets you in good stead later on in life when other crises strike. Infertility is an enormous opportunity for emotional growth.

Once you have made this decision, you can expect that the emotional residue will linger like the tail of a comet, and will never fully disappear. We cannot unhave our history. But we can work it through and live fully in the present moment of the new reality that your decision yields.

Although procreation is genetically driven for all species, human species have a choice. And it is not the right choice for everyone. The place within you from which hope has always sprung and will always spring is the place within you where the answer to your question resides.

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