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Halloween Bites, Fangs Not Included…

a blog by The Infertile Editors: Chris and Candace, October 31, 2013

Let’s talk about October. Yes, it is spooky, terribly bad for your diet and can be very difficult if you are dealing with infertility. Personally, we loved (note the “ED”) Halloween. All things pumpkin come out! Pumpkin latte, pumpkin muffins, pumpkin cookies, pumpkin pie, pumpkin beer… Am I starting to sound like Bubba, from Forest Gump? You get the point. There is also candy and epic Halloween costume parties to attend to! Here is where it really becomes tough. Our door bell would ring on Halloween with proud parents of adorable babies adorned in one day blackmail worthy costumes. Every Fall we have watched those babies get older. With every festive costume change, they have also grown with the ever passing time. Want to know what hasn’t changed? Our situation. {Insert knife in heart and twist} So here is a bit’o infertility fun you can have all while surviving Halloween:

  1. Instead of Bobbing for Apples how about: Pin the PIO Shot on the Infertile? It’s a cross between Duck Duck Goose, and Lawn Darts. Just bend over, drop trouser and hope your partner doesn’t hit a vein so you have a recreated scene from a horror movie. FUN!!!

  2. Ok so just because you have that EPIC Kids costume picked out for the next 13 years of your IF-baby’s life doesn’t mean you cannot partake! Despite the look of distaste and shame your furbaby will bestow upon you, dogs and cats alike LOVE dressing up for Halloween. Fill the void with your Furbabies.

  3. Want to scare the beejeezuzs out of the neighborhood kids and their fertile parents? Here is a great costume idea, and the best part is since you are broke from fertility meds, it is free! Congrats, you will be “Hormone-zilla” this year. Throw on the same “lucky” (masochistically ironic) t-shirt, elastic –banded pants for comfort of course, slap on some estrogen patches and pop a Clomid pill. DONE. Oh wait, you want scarier? Go heavy on the mascara and eye liner and take your 15th negative pregnancy test in a row. This will be guaranteed to scare all that come in a 10ft radius. Ask your husband, you know, the terrified guy wearing the protective cup and hiding under the bed from you.

Here is the thing, holidays are hard no matter the season. It is all about self-preservation you can only do what you are comfortable with. There is nothing wrong with cutting out the lights in the house and having a spooky movie night with your loved one. Or leave a bowl out on the porch with a totally useless “only take one piece” sign on it. You know some delinquent kid is going to be all greedy pants and dump the entire contents of the bowl in his Halloween bag. Watch out, it could be Chris. He has a huge, uncontrollable sweet-tooth. One thing we are all being trained to be good at is making the best of the situation we are in. We have learned to take a piece of road kill and turn it into a festive Halloween decoration instead of sobbing by the road for the beloved opossum. (Does anyone know why those nasty buggers exist?) Sorry, my digression has passed.

Basically, try not to focus on the have nots in your life, instead focus on the haves. You have a desire to start or expand your family. You have the opportunity to make kids that you don’t know scream without getting in trouble. You have the chance to dress like an idiot and be complimented for it. AND, you have a group of friends ready to help you get through another holiday that you can’t live the family life you are dreaming of. Happy Halloween!


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