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The Infertility Guy

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My wife JK and I went through a 2 1/2-year odyssey of infertility.

To the Wannabe Dads, I promise a road map of everything I ever learned or experienced that can help you survive. I was lucky enough to find friends that helped me cope. Maybe I can do the same for you. I'm desperate to find the male readers, so I may sacrifice myself on the altar of humility from time to time. And hey, I'm a guy! Naturally I'll write something guys understand.

To the Wannabe Moms, I know that learning the male perspective can help you, too! I just happen to speak fluent guy and fluent English.

To all of you, I know that your stories will eventually shape this blog. Please share them.

My wife and I finally reached the other side and welcomed twins, a boy and a girl, in December of 2010. They have an adorable older brother named Luke the Dog — a sweet, over-exuberant, shedding machine.

Desire a little more of Alec's dorky infertility perspective? He chronicles his and JK's infertility story in the blog, I Want to be a Daddy.


a blog by Alec, February 8, 2011

We hope for it, for ourselves and others. We pray for it, for ourselves and others. Survive IF. Have children. Start a family.

The thousands of bloggers occupying the infertility blogosphere also fight that fight, hope those hopes, and pray those prayers. We follow them through every agonizing setback.

Unfortunately, when some get to the other side, they become Parent bloggers and begin gushing about everything their kids do … conveniently forgetting their readers as they gush.

a blog by Alec, November 9, 2011

To read more Alec, The Infertility Guy blogs, CLICK HERE.

I’ve felt that the anguish over infertility begins before infertility. It begins with pressure from others. It begins with societal expectations. Religious expectations contribute. But sometimes the greatest contributor is a mother who wants her grandchildren.

My friend is 42 years old and thinking about starting a family. She is quite successful in her work and I certainly understand why a family has not been foremost in her thoughts.

Numbers have no real power, right? Oh, some believe 7 is lucky. So many believe that 13 is unlucky, you would be hard-pressed to find a residential high-rise with a 13th floor. But here’s a number that scares the bejesus out of women:


Such power. Want to be more scared?


a blog by Alec, October 19, 2011

To read more Alec, The Infertility Guy blogs, CLICK HERE.

From time to time, I will speak to couples dealing with infertility and try to give them an idea of what lies ahead. I’ll offer to tell any part of our story — as much as they wish to hear. Some have told me that I helped them. I’ve helped others with my writing.

I was reminded this week of couples that I could not help. Couples that, for reasons of their own, chose not to take advantage of my offer of help. One couple is an acquaintance. The other, I scarcely know at all.

I immediately felt the sting of disappointment in my gut. I wanted to help! Pay it forward!

Book of Death

a blog by Alec, October 10, 2011

To read more Alec, The Infertility Guy blogs, CLICK HERE.

Jews just celebrated Yom Kippur. This is a solemn holiday. It’s said that after Yom Kippur, God inscribes each of us in the Book of Life or the Book of Death. For the former, a good year lies ahead. For the latter, it will be one of struggle.

Where you are inscribed has everything to do with the good you have done, and your ability to embrace your wrongs and seek forgiveness. The Hebrew Sal-ach-ti (phonetic) means I forgive you (literally “I already forgave you”). You hear that A LOT in synagogue.

We’ve all heard that it is “God’s will,” that we are infertile. Some have even heard the venomous, “you don’t deserve children.”

But there is an awful truth. Perhaps because of these sentiments, or perhaps for reasons more internalized, some Wannabe Moms become convinced that they are paying for a past mistake. They believe that they are denied children in divine or cosmic retribution for … something. They cannot tell themselves sal-ach-ti.

a blog by Alec, September 29, 2011

To read more Alec, The Infertility Guy blogs, CLICK HERE.

Happy New Year everyone, or Shana Tova if you prefer. September 29 is Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. I am Jewish, born and raised. JK is Taiwanese. The strange but true thing about our multi-cultural family is that JK felt the pressure of infertility equally from both sides.

Can you imagine it folks? Asian and Jewish? Enough to make anyone wish for a little peace.