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Secondary Infertility Happened to Me

A blog by Jane Newman, November 24, 2014

Secondary infertility is something I never knew anything about until it happened to me. It is more common than I realised too. With it comes many emotions. One such emotion which really overwhelmed me was guilt. Guilt that I wanted another child when I had one already. Guilt that some people aren’t ever fortunate enough to have one child, yet here I was, with my beautiful daughter, feeling incomplete.

What I came to realise though is that the desire for another child is no less than that for a first. In fact the desire for another makes the whole situation more complicated and complex a second time round. In time I concluded that I did not need to justify my desire to complete my family to anybody. I wanted it more for my daughter than my husband and I. I do not have a big family, but the family I have to I am very close to and cherish with all my heart. I longed to provide my daughter with a sibling. One day I want my daughter to be an aunty, have nieces and nephews, just like me.

So, having had the conversation with my husband that we were ready to try for another baby, we proceeded trying to do just that. It’s a good job this decision was made when she was still very young, under a year old to be precise, because it was then that we realised it wasn’t going to be straightforward. We never expected it to happen straight away, it took six months to conceive my first, and that felt like an eternity. Looking back though, I now know how fortunate I was.

I’m glad I didn’t know then what I know now. The myriad of problems that can occur is staggering. But a doctor won’t entertain the idea that there may be fertility issues unless a couple have tried for a year to have a baby. So this is what we did. Waited a year. Which, for an impatient person like me, was tough. Little did I know that waiting would be something I’d have to get used to.

Whilst I was waiting it didn’t help that I was hearing my friends, one by one, announce their second pregnancies (quite a few of us had number one within the space of a few months). Of course I was happy for them, but it wasn’t easy watching them grow, listening to them talking about their pregnancies. Then you get the comments from people, who are only trying to help, but end up making you feel worse. The number of times I was told not to worry, to relax, that it will happen. I felt like asking how do they know? Can they see into the future? How can I possibly relax?

Ovulation kits became the bane of my life. With those and pregnancy tests I spent a small fortune! Sleepless nights were spent wondering if today would be the day I was going to be ovulating? I regret not stopping using those kits sooner. Having polycystic ovaries, I’m not sure how reliable they were anyway. Different professionals told me different things. So who was I to believe? I guess I used them as I wanted to do anything within my control to have another baby.

In my next blog I will continue my journey and tell you what happened after this year-long wait was over.

I hope that when reading my blog, people are able to relate to what I’m saying. To clarify, of course by this I don’t mean that I hope people are going through, or have been through, similar experiences to me. I just want people to not feel alone. To know that there is somebody out there who understands. That understanding can only truly come from people who can relate to what I’m saying. Who have been there, who are there. I have been there. I understand.

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