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#TwoFertilityWords No, Not Crazy & Obsessed. How About Focused & Deliberate?
a blog by Lisa Rosenthal, September 16, 2015
Sometimes we are demure & ladylike. To get what we want, perhaps. Because we think we will be treated the way that we want to be treated.
Maybe pleasant & reserved will get better fertility treatment than raucous & determined?
If we lower our voices and use technical terms correctly, are our chances of being heard improved? Will we soar to the head of the class and our fertility doctors will clamor to make sure that it is us that get the best treatment and that we are the ones who get pregnant?
If we behave just right, are the perfect infertility patients, will it be us next?
Or will we just exhaust ourselves acting out a role that fits us poorly?
Because if my Fertile Yoga students and Ladies Night In participants are any evidence of how fertility patients feel, we’re not feeling ladylike.
Or demure. Or at all quietly patient.
And we’re loud.
And we swear.
And we laugh out loud at very bad and inappropriate jokes.
And we cry. Despair.
And, as a dear friend of mine says, then we pull up our big white panties and march ourselves back into our board certified Reproductive Endocrinologists (fertility specialist = no specialized training or passing of tests - please check that you are seeing someone who has done those things!) offices and determine what to do next to accomplish our goal-
To have a baby.
Not to get pregnant.
Not to have a perfect cycle.
Not to have great looking embryos.
Not to retrieve eighteen eggs. Or two. Or five.
To have a baby, in our arms after a successful fertility treatment cycle.
That’s our goal.
And here’s what we are willing to do, at least sometimes. We are willing to put the mask on and be ladylike. To quietly and patiently ask questions. To ACT as if we are feeling sane &rational when we hear our AMH is barely detectable and our FSH is mirroring our ages.
We’re not feeling ladylike. We are roaring like lions, bellowing like water buffaloes, sobbing like yes, babies.
This experience of infertility changes us. We evolve. We are not the same people we are when we start. Not all the changes are at all welcome. We can become bitter, angry, frustrated, seemingly mean-spirited (especially when it comes to other's pregnancies or babies), depressed, withdrawn.
This experience of infertility offers us other words to describe ourselves as well.
A few I heard last week:
Confident. Capable. Determined. Hopeful. Optimistic. Strong. Valuable. Able. Focused. Resolute. Single minded. Tough.
Do we always feel these things? Absolutely not. Can we recognize that our experiences with infertility bring out these qualities and are also evolving as we continue on our journeys? Absolutely yes.
Crazy & obsessed? Nah.
Determined & Passionate.
Join us, won’t you?
What are your #Twofertilitywords?