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New Year's Resolutions- Don't We Have Enough Problems?
a blog by Lori Shandle-Fox, January 14, 2014
This is going to sound dumb. (Hey, I think I finally found the perfect way to start a blog post.) I think one of the biggest problems with making New Year's Resolutions is that we don't know ourselves at all. Like people who vow to go to the gym four times a week to replace their current habit of going to the drive-thru four times a week. Is that really going to happen? It might, but not without thirty other steps in between. If only we could start slowly and pledge to just replace the fries with a salad. (Okay, there really is no point to fry-less fast food is there?)
And sometimes even with trying to get pregnant we take our goals to La La land. I'm all for optimism and positive thinking... but not La La land. La La land is for those quiet moments when you're driving and hear Brad Pitt whisper into your ear how fabulous you look over there driving with no make-up, a ponytail you haven't taken out for two days and your husband's sweats, while he (Brad) is sitting in the passenger seat with skinny jeans and a shirt that consists of only sleeve holes. All fifty year old men should look like that. (Now back to our originally planned post.)
A few women whom I know through infertility circles have told me that their goal for 2014 is "to get pregnant". You don't say. (Luckily, I somehow stopped myself from saying "duh" to their faces.) But that's the same general goal that's kept them stressed all of 2013 and maybe 2012 and 2011 also. Shouldn't we make goals that actually have a specific action attached to them? Something new or different we feel we can concretely take control of and do right now to head in that direction. "I'm going to research egg donors and find one this year." There you go: Homework. Now, you may get two weeks into your egg donor research and by January 26th decide it's not for you. But during those two weeks you may have talked to someone or come across some research that sparked a new path. Set detailed goals:
"My husband has a low sperm count. This year I'll get his half-brother drunk &.... I hope the slow sperm thing runs on his mother's side."
"My doctor told me I'm having trouble conceiving because of my age. I think I'll find a different doctor and tell him I'm 28. Or... I did see something on the Discovery Channel about a time machine that worked. Oh wait. That was on the Big Bang Theory... or maybe it was the History Channel. Or...oh yeah... It was the Flintstones."
"I think part of my problem getting pregnant is that we're just too tired to have enough sex. This year we'll both quit our jobs, buy a convertible, buy a condo in Maui on the beach... wait... What were we talking about?"
"Our main obstacle right now is that we don't have enough money to do IVF. This year, I'm going to find resourceful ways to generate more income. Hey, I hear egg donors get paid well. Wait, that doesn't make any sense."
The idea is to find those baby steps (hey, a pun) so you have real tasks to keep you from feeling helpless and without direction or control while remembering: Almost every infertility success story you've ever heard is different than the one before. No two women seem to get there in exactly the same way. So expend no energy on comparing yourself or your situation to theirs.
I take yoga. You probably already assumed I did because of my serene blogging demeanor. (I type 12000 words a minute...Anger-induced not skill-induced. My fingers are worn down to the second knuckle.) Like my yoga instructor, I like to eat right and exercise and strive to live a very happy, peaceful, cleansed, long life. But my yoga instructor is always touting not eating any junk at all which, in her world, also includes any cooked food. It works for her.
I know she probably speaks the truth and likely will live a very happy, peaceful, cleansed, long life. But if I started to eat that way I would live a very happy, peaceful, cleansed, two weeks. Then I'd shoot myself. I know me.