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How to Keep Your Partner Involved During Infertility

a blog by Marc Sedaka, December 31, 2013

My husband says I’m being “bossy” when I ask him to do simple things like show up for our doctor appointments. How do I keep him involved without seeming like a tyrant?

Some wives who suffer with infertility (not anyone you know of course, but some) tend to be, shall I say, more forceful with their requests than they otherwise would. I imagine this has a lot to do with maintaining control over an otherwise helpless situation, but from a husband’s perspective, it’s sometimes difficult to feel like an equal partner when we’re often being treated like a subordinate. So as much as possible, be conscious of asking your husband to do things rather than telling him. This applies to everything from attending each and every doctor’s visit, to demanding he “perform” on command when you’re ovulating. You know you’ll get your way anyway, so at least let him think he had a say in it.

To chat with others about the male perspective during fertility treatment, visit the Husbands Discussing Infertility forum on


Comments (1)

Wow, I have heard this conversation many, many times in my office. I agree that men are often the invisible partners in GYN or RE offices. That's not fair. Men are important partners....if they are, in fact, active partners. The bossy partner is often paired with an ambivalent partner. How can we best invite men to increase their activity during fertility treatment, including deciding to pursue treatment at all?

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