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All You Need Is Love…Kinda

a blog by Maya Moskin, February 12, 2015

Valentine’s Day is around the corner, so the theme of love is in the air. Or at least in every store you walk into. Pink and red hearts everywhere!

For the years I spent battling infertility, Valentine’s Day, and any annual holiday, just marked another year lost to trying to figure out how we were going to start a family. I always tired to feel love and gratitude for all that I had, but when there is a key ingredient missing— a baby— sometimes I just felt sad. These kinds of feelings are completely normal but there are a few things that helped me embrace the pink and red hearts and fill my own heart with love that I knew I would one day be able share with my baby.

First, I had to accept my feelings for what they were, without judgement. February 2013 and 2014 were both hard months as my husband and I had unsuccessful rounds of IVF and IVF with donated eggs in the months prior. So my heart wasn’t always bursting with love and excitement. I was healing from heartbreak and dealing with disappointment, and that was just where I was. And that was ok. Learning to sit with whatever feelings you might have is important while going through infertility.

Then, I had to try and let a lot of the sadness go to make room for new opportunities. I had to find ways to open my heart to how my baby was going to find me. Part of letting go of the past experiences might be to talk about it with trusted friends or family. It might be through meditation and introspection. It might be exploring a new way to build a family. It’s important to remind yourself that there are different ways to create a family and that your past doesn’t dictate your present or future. An open heart is one of the best tools to be armed with in a quest to build a family.

And finally, I had to shift focus from what I didn’t have to what I did have. A loving husband, an incredible family, friends and a community who supported the alternative way I was going to construct my family. I used Valentine’s Day to appreciate the things I had. I learned about self-love and self-acceptance, and found better ways to take care of myself and my relationship.

These are important things. Sometimes the road gets rough. Let this Valentine’s Day be a day to treat yourself, love yourself, and reconnect with feelings of the heart—gratitude, hope and love.


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