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Meet the Meyers (in love, infertile)

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We're Jim and Joy Meyers and we've been trying to grow our family for four years. Our fertility background is not unlike many couples’. After several “natural” attempts, we sought out the advice and care of fertility specialists in Portland, Oregon and New York City. But with each failed attempt, the pressure to have a baby -- or to be happy without one -- has grown.

We've each developed our own ways of coping. Sometimes these coping mechanisms coincide, other times one person feels isolated and helpless.

This blog is a way for us to explore our feelings about being infertile and happily married at the same time.

We hope to help other couples along the way.

Here's more about us:

JOY is an entrepreneur living in Portland, Oregon. A New York native with a love for fashion, Joy decided to switch from a recruiting background to business owner. She opened her own shop, The English Dept., in 2005. Years later, when her infertility became an all consuming reality, she sold her business and pursued parenthood full-time. After a barrage of tests, IVF attempts, and ultimately, five miscarriages in four years, Joy is still childless. The one constant in her life is her loving and courageous husband, Jim. When they began dating at The University of Colorado at Boulder in 1993, they thought they needed to use condoms. Currently, Joy is traveling back regularly to New York City for fertility treatments and pizza.

Likes: aisle seats on long flights, The New Yorker, tennis, the smell of her dog’s paws

Dislikes: when Jim goes out of town, checking her voice mail, raisins

Dork Department: She plays Scrabble online every single day.

JIM is a business owner in Portland, Oregon. In 1997, Jim, a certified Arborist, started Hedgehog Tree Care. His workdays in the trees are long and often end on the couch with sap on his arms and saw dust in his hair. Born and raised in Cleveland, Ohio, Jim migrated westward after high school to the University of Colorado at Boulder. It was in Colorado that he found a home in the woods and mountains hiking, fishing and snowboarding. He also met his wife, Joy, a New Yorker with attitude and just enough opposite to strike his fancy. Together, they moved to Portland to start a new life a build a family. The pressures of battling infertility alongside running his own business have proven to be the biggest challenges of his life. Working hard to maintain a balanced life, Jim makes time to ride his dirt bike and take long walks with their black lab, Willy.

Likes: restoring his 1942 Jeep, beech trees

Dislikes: rainy days (sorry, Portland), his hair

Little known fact: was a nationally ranked junior squash player in high school.


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a blog by joy, Dec. 28, 2009

Two people in the last week have asked me if I’m excited about having a baby. And it wasn’t “Aren’t you excited?” It was more like “Aren’t you excited?!" The first friend to ask told me that I never sound excited when I talk about having a baby. I told her that when you’ve been through what I’ve been through, you sort wait for that other shoe to drop. She told me to “get over it.” This conversation really bothered me, so I decided to talk to other friends about it. Another friend said she “could see how someone might think that” about me.

Holy crap. People think I’m not excited? Am I excited? The truth is, not all the time.


a blog by joy

      - Jim and I were in Mexico with our best friends. They brought their son, who was about 1 ½ years old. Another couple joined us with their little boy. I spent the first half of the trip sulking while Jim surfed. I could not stand to be the only woman without a child. I hated how my friends went in and out of different rooms grabbing diapers and warming bottles. They were so busy, so purposeful. What purpose did I have? Comedic relief? They kept telling me how lucky I was to be on vacation — that chasing after the boys was not relaxing. I bristled. Don’t talk to me about luck, I thought.


a blog by joy and jim

I just discovered a new TV show. “Deliver Me” is on Discovery Health every Tuesday. I found it while channel surfing during “The Hills” commercial break. (No, it’s not lost on me that I’m 37 and still watching vapid twenty-somethings attempt to cobble together a coherent thought.) I’ve only seen the show once. It’s about three OBs -- good friends and colleagues -- navigating their way through career, family, and treatment of all different kinds of patients. Last week’s episode focused on Dr. Bohn’s own pregnancy. I guess she’s had previous pregnancy complications and now she’s very pregnant and dealing with Placenta Previa. She’s very nervous about pre-term labor. One of the last things she says during the episode is “I’ve seen enough to know that there are no guarantees.”


a blog by joy and jim



a blog by Joy and Jim


Once you’ve been at this thing for a while, you kind of do it by rote. Even though it’s been stressful, I basically put myself on autopilot and forge ahead. It became totally normal to hop on a plane to NYC for another round of IVF. I literally stopped thinking about the drugs and simply popped them in my mouth. In fact, I was so much on a one-way track that I pretty much forgot about why I was doing it in the first place. That’s the thing about fertility treatments. You stop thinking about having a baby, an actual family, and you become fixated on one thing: Getting Pregnant. You are going for that positive pregnancy test, because without it, you have nothing.

That said, I cannot convey the surprise I felt when my doctor told me recently that, YES, I am pregnant. The test came back positive. How could that be? I was just telling a friend that I felt nothing. That there was no way IVF worked this time. I was shocked. Sure, it’s fun hearing that news. But when you’ve been through all we have, you know better than to break out the sparkling cider. One test. Positive. Big deal.


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