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He Is Therefore I Am

The journey of a young woman, her infertile husband, and the road to a baby . . .

Hi, I'm Tori, I'm 23 and my wonderful huband is 26. We are high school sweethearts and have been married for almost a year now. We have been trying to concieve for 14 months, and recently we were diagnosed with male factor infertility, more specifically Azoospermia. It looks like we are going the Donor Insemination route.

We are trying to stay positive through this emotional rollercoaster, and seem to be growing closer by the day. Outside of my obsession with researching IVF, and learning all I can about Azoo, I student teach a 5th grade class, and can't wait to have my own class someday soon!

I am excited to take part in FertilityAuthority, and can't wait to see all of the great discussions and support that I am sure these blogs will offer anyone dealing with infertility!



A blog by Tori Emmons, August 25, 2010

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a blog by tori, March 23, 2010

I am out of the closet . . . the infertility closet.

My friends know, my family knows, my coworkers know . . . heck, the random person walking down the street might know something about our infertility.

If you know me at all, you most likely know that my husband and I are infertile. You probably know that I’m a teacher, I love kids and that we’ve always wanted a family. You know we started trying two years ago and that we’ve undergone treatments. You may also know that one round of treatment was successful, at least for a little while.

If you bring up babies in a conversation or ask me why I don’t yet have a baby, prepare to know. In detail. If you ask my husband, prepare to know even MORE detail.

Why? Because I know that for changes to be made in the way people think about and treat infertility, people need to talk about it.

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a blog by tori, Feb. 12, 2010

We're on a forced break from treatment and, the good news is, there's been one unexpected benefit: Our relationship is hot.

Let's face it, fertility treatments are hell on a marrriage, not to mention what they do to your sex life. You're either too hormonal to be interested in sex or too worried to "do it" because you’ve just had your procedure done. Or maybe you and your partner are just too down in the dumps to care about it. Sound familiar?

Well, I'm happy to report that over the last couple of weeks my husband and I have regained our semi-newlywed, mid-20’s sex life. We’ve also had lots of fun just flirting, laughing, watching movies, and playing games without worrying about the all encompassing, ever looming "treatment schedule."

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a blog by tori, Jan. 29, 2010

In my last blog I wrote a bit about the fact that my husband and I are now on a forced break from fertility treatments. When I started to pull myself out of my miscarriage grief and get back into my normal groove, it was really hard to come to grips with not trying to get pregnant -- naturally or through treatments. It’s funny how during treatment I could look at the needles and the progesterone and the “sharps” container and be so upset that I had to go through all of this to have a baby, yet when I no longer had to deal with any of that, it was even harder to adjust.

When you’ve lived life in two-week increments for nearly two years, and then suddenly you have all the time in the world, it’s hard. There are no constraints. No planned sex. No skipping the caffeine and sushi. No anxiously awaiting an HCG blood test. You are just . . . free. And yet, gaining freedom is admitting that you are losing a dream. Maybe not forever, but at least for the moment. It’s hard to enjoy the sushi and soda. It’s even harder to enjoy the “boost-you-out-of-your-grief” drink your friend buys you when in the back of your head all you are thinking is “I shouldn’t be able to have alcohol right now!”

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a blog by tori, Dec. 29, 2008

I’ve been needing to update for a long time, but I haven’t really known what to say. Our third cycle of IUI using donor sperm was successful. We thought we had our dream, but something went wrong.

First, let me say that seeing a positive pregnancy test was everything I thought it would be. I took my test a day early because I knew -- the gagging in the morning and my super sore breasts told me that something was different about this cycle. I was right. I think I silently screamed in the bathroom for a good three minutes as that second line got darker and darker. I felt like I had waited a lifetime to see it. I thought about how to tell my husband, who was sleeping away. I tried to think of cute ways, fun ways, special ways.