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I'm 32. I've been married and living ‘la dolce vita’ with my Italian husband for the last 6 years. We traveled the world and set up our cookie-cutter life thinking we would easily be able to insert children when we were “ready.” We've been trying to conceive since Summer 2007. After spending a year thinking I just wasn’t trying hard enough, we were diagnosed with severe Male Factor Infertility. I used to love to grow orchids and gardening … but somehow our quest for pregnancy has taken over the person formerly known as “me.” I now spend most of my time thinking, planning, writing, or reading about infertility. I am able to hold down a job, despite my obsession, and I work in the ER as an Advanced Practice Nurse. I now get to experience a whole new world of private pay healthcare as we prepare for IVF/ICSI in Spring 2009.



a blog by murgdan, June 15, 2010

He’s here.

My miracle is here. I can hold him in my arms. I can touch him, feel him, and hear him breathe softly in my ear. (Or scream loudly in my ear depending on the time of day or night). In some ways it feels like the nightmare of infertility is finally over. I’ve woken up and it was all just a bad dream.

And other people view it that way too. I’ve been congratulated a million times over, and some of those congratulations include messages such as, “Congrats on finally leaving the land of infertility!” Some people have asked, “How does it feel to no longer be an infertile?”

Granted, I’m no longer part of "the struggle." Alas, I don’t know that I ever will be a part of the struggle again. There are no future baby plans; no final thoughts on re-entering the baby-making pool.

Have I left infertility behind?

calendar booties.jpg

a blog by murgdan, April 12, 2010

You’ve been there. You’ve done it.

The wait.

Preg woman crop.jpg

a blog by murgdan, March 24, 2010


a blog by murgdan, March 3, 2010

It’s a boy. The miracle we waited for, saved for, worked for, and wished for is a boy. Despite the fact that there are only two sexes to choose from, it still felt like a total and complete surprise to hear the ultrasound technician who performed our anatomy scan make the announcement. We are no longer pregnant with “it.” We can use proper pronouns.

After the initial revelation, after the tears of joy, after the “wows” and smiles, I had another thought. I had a thought that I am quite sure few mothers who have not experienced the ravages of infertility have. I had a thought that brought back memories of my husband’s urology appointments and our IVF consults.

Will our son be infertile, too?

holding hands.jpg

a blog by murgdan, Feb. 5, 2010


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