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Save Your Relationship From Being Lost In The Fertility Treatment Fog: Part 3
A blog by Rosanne Austin, August 21, 2014
Merci, Grazie, Danke, Gracias…
Whether or not we have specifically taken vows to be by each other’s side “no matter what,” it’s safe to say that we have an expectation that our partners will be by our sides when things get crazy. With the serious body blows that can come along with the fertility journey, it’s likely that we have never had to call upon our partners to be there for us as frequently, or intensely.
Far too often we get complacent in thinking that our partners are just "supposed to" be there. When you are in the mindset of thinking you are building something for the both of you (which indeed you are), it’s easy to forget that while you are a team, there are two separate and wonderfully distinct individuals that are part of it. Keeping the team strong, means that you must love on each of those individuals.
One of the most powerful ways to do that is to show gratitude. When was the last time you really looked your partner in the eye and said, “Thank You.” I don’t mean the kind of appreciation you might casually show for taking out the trash, or doing the yard work. I’m talking about looking them in the eye—for real and saying thank you.
If you have no clue when you did that last, or have a sinking suspicion that you have never quite done “that,” now is the time to correct that mistake. This is the person with whom you are trying to build a family. If you are willing to mix your DNA, they are deserving of that respect.
Now I get that as I write these words, I have no idea exactly how your relationship works, or where you to have been on this journey, but there is nothing that can clear out the junk like authentic gratitude. If you have been selfish, short sighted, demanding, and have taken your relationship for granted on this journey, you can turn it around NOW. This isn’t all about you…well at least if you want to keep your relationship from being lost in the Fertility Treatment Fog.
Here’s how you are going to do this:
- The next time you have a chance to be face to face with your partner, (maybe you are at work as you read this—this is probably way more interesting!) get them to stand in one place for a second.
- Look them dead in the eye.
- Say “Thank You” and mean it with every fiber of your being.
This may catch them off guard. They may wonder if your fertility drugs have turned you into a complete nut. If you want to get fancy, tell them specifically what you are thankful for. Be mindful of how you feel when you are doing this. If this has been long overdue, you may be surprised by your reaction. You may have needed to say this not only for partner, but for yourself. Trust me. This can be transformative. Do this! Make it a habit!
Don't Forget Why There is a "We"
The emotional roller coaster that is often the hallmark of the fertility journey is not the time to let up on the gas when it comes to caring for your relationship. It's tough to balance your relationship, your career, friends and family, along with the business of trying to have a baby. I lived this, I know. But, you fell in love and built something with your partner that makes your heart sing. Make the effort to try out the strategies I have shared in Part 1, Part 2, and this blog entry. Watch how these little things can help refocus you on your “We.” Do the work. When your baby comes, your life together will be that much more glorious.