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Save Your Relationship From Being Lost In The Fertility Treatment Fog: Part 1

A blog by Rosanne Austin, August 7, 2014

In this three-part series we will carefully explore three easy and profoundly effective ways to be sure that we protect our relationships from being lost in the mix of our fertility treatment. On this journey it is easy to temporarily loose sight of the fantastic loveliness of our “We.”

There Was a "We" Before There Was Three (Or More…)

The fertility journey isn't just some side project. It can quickly become a way of life, and can get out of hand fast. Under the weight of a parade of appointments with our doctors, invasive tests, powerful drugs, and an ever-present undercurrent “will it work this time” stress, the last thing most of us are worried about is keeping the home fires burning. As understandable as this may be, getting lazy in this department is a perilous mistake.

When your dream of getting pregnant has you thinking of your partner (even for a second) as if they were merely a genetic material donating cog in the wheel of your baby making machine, it's time to take a giant step back and re-prioritize.

You and your partner are the foundation upon which you are building your family. The last thing you want is for that to be neglected and shaky! Honor and care for what you have now. Do your part to make your partner feel appreciated and special. It could be one of the best investments you ever make. The dividends can be incredible.

In case fertility drugs have your inspiration and imagination tapped, here is the first of three strategies for reconnecting and refocusing.

The Power of the Bear Hug Slow Dance

Intimacy in our relationships, when we are trying to conceive often feels contrived and about as tender as a drill instructor’s cadence, or even verboten for periods of time depending on what stage you are in during your treatment scheme. With all that in mind however, sometimes all it takes to feel connected to our partner again is a giant, soulful, and hearty throw back to a junior high…something I like to call the Bear Hug Slow Dance.

You know exactly what I’m talking about! Admit it. It’s fun, it won’t cost you a dime, and if your partner isn’t much of a dancer, getting them swaying (even slightly) is a righteous victory.

Here’s how you are going to do it:

  1. Pick a time when things are relatively mellow in your house. (No excuses here people. You can find a few minutes!)
  2. Put on a slow dance song of your choice. (Be brave! Look past your partner’s quizzical looks—I have to confess, I usually chose Spandau Ballet’s True…yeah, I’m an 80s girl!)
  3. Invite your partner over to Bear Hug Slow Dance. (Be sweet about this!)
  4. Bear Hug and commence the slow dance!

The key to making this amazing is to linger. Sink into how good it feels to be wrapped up in your partner’s arms. Swim in this moment. Think about how good they smell, how protected you feel, and how fantastic it is to just be held. Let your guard down. Step out of infertility’s grip for a few moments and just BE.

You might laugh. You might feel goofy. You might cry. Do this for however long you wish. Make it fun! Do yourself and your partner a favor and schedule this in. It can become quite addictive.

In part 2, we will ratchet up the challenge a bit and get you into “Us” Time in the TTC Free Zone.

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