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March Infertility Madness: The Needles
a blog by Alec, March 16, 2011
It seems that asking for funny stories about infertility was an idea ahead of its time. No worries! We will always appreciate and treasure your stories, but the madness of infertility continues. And in March, we celebrate madness!
Needles, needles, needles. Knitting needles, sewing needles, syringe needles. Seems I've seen a lot of needles over the past few years.
JK uses a dermatologist's needle to mine zits (yes, it's true!).
I confess I use something like it for those stubborn, pain-in-the-butt ingrown hairs on my neck.
But nothing really let's you get acquainted with needles like Infertility does.
When they drew my blood, I thought four vials was a reasonable amount. Not long after, I accompanied JK to the phlebotomist at Fertility Centers of Illinois (FCI). They drew 16 vials. Sixteen! At one ounce each, that is 16 ounces! A pint! In other words, the same amount you would donate.
So why not just get a pint bag and divvy up the blood later? Doesn't that seem logical?
And where is JK's orange juice from concentrate? Has she no rights? Where are the cookies?!?! I want my friggin vanilla sandwich cookies! Now!
Wait, who were we talking about just now ... ? Sorry. It's just that ... I love those cookies.
Then, the crown prince of infertility needles — The Trigger Shot — the syringe needle that yours truly has to poke into the butt of my beloved wife.
And they said infertility didn't have its perks. Hah!
The first time we did it, the instructions were fresh in my mind. No, I did not write the instructions down. Yes, I would regret that oversight.
We received the implements for the trigger shot for the second time, and I assumed I knew what I was doing. However, when it came time, I wasn't sure how much water and how much ... Oh god, I just clawed around in the dark. My conclusion: put all of the water into the powdered fertility medication. The result: enough solution to fill three syringes.
And that, my beloved readers, is how this sheepish, loving husband stuck a needle into his wife's booty not one, not two, but three times.
Can I get an amen, my infertile brothers and sisters!
Wannabe Dads, I beg you, no matter how easy or obvious the doctor's/nurse's instructions seem to you, whatever it is: Write the #$%^& down.
And keep a very steady hand.