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March Infertility Madness: Post Season Awards

March Madness - Infertility Style.jpg

a blog by Alec, March 31, 2011

March Infertility Madness comes to a close this week, and I can't help but wipe away a tear from my eye. I always tear when I tweak my excess nose hair.

My bracket bet with JK was decided last week when the underdogs went nuts on my safe picks. I lost to my lovely wife for the fourth time in five years. Yep. Four out of five dentists surveyed recommended that you bet against me.

State of manhood: shrunken to insignificance.

And now, because I need a laugh after being so severely crushed, I give you:

March Infertility Madness Post-Season Awards!

Best Encouragement:

    "Just relax."
    "Keep trying!"
    "Don't worry!"
    "How old are you?"

    And the winner: "Where are my grandchildren?"

Best Alternative Treatment:

    Tree Bark Tea
    Needles in the Face
    Beating the Crap out of Your Feet (aka Reflexology, aka never again my friends)

    And the winner: Icing the Genitals

Best Euphemism:

    Lazy Swimmers
    Incompetent Cervix

    And the winner: Parental Age Effect

Most Dignified Moment:

    Transvaginal Ultrasound (starring... the wand-cam!)
    Providing a Sperm Sample
    Trigger Shots
    Peeing on your hand instead of the Stick (pregnancy test!)

    And the winner: Doctor Ordered Shags

Most Beloved Reality TV Family:

    The Duggars
    The Octomoms
    The Gosselins

    And the winner: The Jolie-Pitts

Best Mood Music:

    She's Havin' My Baby
    Isn't She Lovely
    Baby Don't You Cry

    And the winner: Alec and JK Sittin' in a Tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! I mean, come on people! If it were as easy as that, don't you think we would have tried it already?!?!

Best Lie by Infertile Celebs:

    "Twins run in our family."
    "She is not a surrogate! Just a family friend with a weight issue (please try to be sensitive)."
    "I just relaxed and got pregnant."

    And the winner: "Scientology got me pregnant."

Best Hole Filler:

    A Puppy
    A Kitten
    A Stuffed Animal
    A Do-it-Yourself Project

    And the winner: Alcohol

Things an Infertile Woman Misses the Most:

    Brie Cheese
    Spontaneous Naughtyness

    And the winner: A Trip to White Castle (and everything that comes before it!)

And so ends March Infertility Madness! I hope you enjoyed it as much as infertility enjoyed bringing it to you!

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