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March Infertility Madness: Post Season Awards
a blog by Alec, March 31, 2011
March Infertility Madness comes to a close this week, and I can't help but wipe away a tear from my eye. I always tear when I tweak my excess nose hair.
My bracket bet with JK was decided last week when the underdogs went nuts on my safe picks. I lost to my lovely wife for the fourth time in five years. Yep. Four out of five dentists surveyed recommended that you bet against me.
State of manhood: shrunken to insignificance.
And now, because I need a laugh after being so severely crushed, I give you:
March Infertility Madness Post-Season Awards!
"How old are you?"
And the winner: "Where are my grandchildren?"
Best Alternative Treatment:
Tree Bark Tea
Needles in the Face
Beating the Crap out of Your Feet (aka Reflexology, aka never again my friends)
And the winner: Icing the Genitals
And the winner: Parental Age Effect
Most Dignified Moment:
Transvaginal Ultrasound (starring... the wand-cam!)
Providing a Sperm Sample
Peeing on your hand instead of the Stick (pregnancy test!)
And the winner: Doctor Ordered Shags
Most Beloved Reality TV Family:
And the winner: The Jolie-Pitts
Best Mood Music:
She's Havin' My Baby
Isn't She Lovely
Baby Don't You Cry
And the winner: Alec and JK Sittin' in a Tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! I mean, come on people! If it were as easy as that, don't you think we would have tried it already?!?!
Best Lie by Infertile Celebs:
"Twins run in our family."
"She is not a surrogate! Just a family friend with a weight issue (please try to be sensitive)."
"I just relaxed and got pregnant."
And the winner: "Scientology got me pregnant."
Best Hole Filler:
A Stuffed Animal
A Do-it-Yourself Project
And the winner: Alcohol
Things an Infertile Woman Misses the Most:
And the winner: A Trip to White Castle (and everything that comes before it!)
And so ends March Infertility Madness! I hope you enjoyed it as much as infertility enjoyed bringing it to you!