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The Things the Fertile People Do (That Really Piss Us Off)

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a blog by Alec, April 7, 2011

The Fertile People can be strange. Really strange. They think nothing of so many things that are clearly something!

Have you heard of any of these gems?

Pregnancy Date Planning

There are so many benefits to be had from this one! How do I begin? With pregnancy date planning, they can:

  • They can have babies in September so their summers aren't ruined by a little squalling inconvenience.
  • They can intentionally miss deadlines so that their child is among the oldest of their grade, giving him or her a physical advantage.
  • Teachers can time the baby for June.
  • Accountants can time the baby for May.
  • Holiday workers can time the baby for January (or February).
  • Best, game fixers and point shavers can aim for a date and bet on themselves! Think of all of the money on the table!

Whim Parenting

  • They can decide to make a baby ... or not.
  • She can have her tubes tied.
  • He can get a vasectomy.
  • He can have the vasectomy reversed.

Theme Kids

  • The first — also known as The First Born, The Favorite or The Apple of Grandma's Eye.
  • The second — also known as The Brother/Sister We Always Wanted for our First Born.
  • The third — or I Was Just Dying to Have Another!
  • The fourth — also known as The Accident, The Condom Broke or just Oops!

I remember high school when I could scarcely get a girl to look at me, much less have sex. Now I live near a high school and am treated to images of pregnant kids and their young mothers. I see 40-year-old-grandmas and great grandmothers younger than my mom!

Do they have any idea how easy it is for them and how hard it is for the infertile population? Of course not. They are blessedly ignorant, though the world will soon hit them right between the eyes.

I wonder if some of them have considered that there are infertile people waiting for their babies and that they do not have to enter motherhood before they have lived life. Wouldn't it be nice if Juno's (Ellen Page) babies could find more Vanessas (Jennifer Garner)?

I'm just saying, isn't it strange that baby-making is so easy and sometimes unwanted by so many, but so damn hard for others? It's a question that JK and I ask ourselves constantly. Even adoption is getting harder all of the time. It's a merciless irony. If the world were balanced and fair, the opposite would hold true.

The world does not believe in fairness.

Please don't be a hater toward the Fertile People, but do feel free to be pissed at them as often as you want!

Comments (1)

This was a "fun" quote from my mom (very fertile) about ovulation sticks: "People have been having kids for years without them. Why do you worry so much about ovulating?" Um, well...let's see. I haven't ovulated in a year. You have to ovulate to have kids. You had 3 in 3 years, so you wouldn't understand. So thanks for reminding me how "abnormal" I am! GRRR

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