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Has TTC Stolen Your Identity?

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a blog by Beth and Tami of Pulling Down the Moon

Even after being in the holistic fertility business for almost eight years, I am continually struck by stories of loss, disappointment and perseverance. The one thing I realize about the journey toward becoming a parent is that loss comes in many shapes and sizes. Sometimes it’s the loss of money spent on treatments, the loss of time, the loss of relationships, the loss of a pregnancy, loss of a dream, or the loss of self.

This loss of self sneaks up on us and one day we realize we don’t know who we are any more. One patient articulated this experience during one of our Fertility Yoga classes, “Who is this insecure, sad, angry, crazy person staring back at me in the mirror?” she asked. “I don’t even recognize myself anymore.”

Loss of self may feel profound when you are trying to conceive, but those of you who are already mothers can attest to the fact that loss of self can hit high notes once the baby comes. Those of you who have been married for many years or employed in a thankless job can feel it too. Sometimes, we just don’t like ourselves or we become frustrated with our life circumstances.

Here are four quick tips based on the yoga philosophy for rediscovering the real you:

    1. Surround yourself with positive people who inspire or bring out the best in you.

    2. Make it a point to read interesting literature, particularly biographies. Napoleon Hill, an inspirational author during the Great Depression, wrote that two things will determine your future: the books you read and the people you meet.

    3. Express gratitude out loud every morning and before you go to bed each night for at least three things in your life.

    4. Welcome in the person you have become, even if you don’t like her. As some wise sages say, “Invite your demons in for tea,” warts and all. By accepting that this is one extreme aspect of your personality, you can rediscover that the opposite extreme also exists within you.

You often can’t change the outcome of a situation but you can change your reaction to it. By changing your reaction you begin the process of neutralizing any negative karma the situation brings about. Change your attitude, practice self-empathy and you just might stumble upon an even better you.

Be peaceful, be positive, be forgiving of yourself,

Tami Quinn

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