Find a Clinic Near You And Get Started Today


You are here

Coming out

Status message

Active context: desktop

When I was first contacted about writing a blog on FertilityAuthority, my immediate thought was “No way!” (Sorry, Laurie.) I couldn't imagine going on a public site to share the most intimate and private details of my life. Sure, I have a personal blog that could be found with a little searching, but this was so much more “out there.” And “out there” is just not somewhere that we have chosen to go on our baby-making journey.

Like any other person batting infertility, I never expected to be here. I mean, what’s it really take to get pregnant? A bottle of wine, a sexy negligee, and nine months later a baby, right? For many people that is a reality. I, like so many of you, am not one of those people.

In August 2005, after 3 years of marriage, we started “trying” to make a baby, au natural with good old fashioned sex. We added charting and OPKs to the mix in 2006 (along with a nice, relaxing (gag) vacation and a hoard of other baby-making myths). 2007 brought us to testing, procedures, surgeries, beating our heads against the wall, and IUI. We threw in a couple IVFs during 2008 and are now approaching our third and final “closure” IVF cycle beginning in 2009.

So why would I want to put all of this “out there” now as we are on the last leg of our journey? Why not just finish these last months off and quietly fade away?

I guess because no matter the outcome of our cycle, I will always be infertile. Our journey will not end with this cycle. Maybe I will get pregnant on this last cycle, maybe I will go on to get pregnant on a donor egg cycle, maybe we will choose to adopt.

None of these options will cure my infertility. They will not erase the years of pain and frustration, tears and isolation, or jealousy and depression. They might put me in a better place, but they will not let me forget my past.

Infertility can be a really lonely place and without the network of women I have met on message boards and in blogland walking this same journey, I’m not sure I could have made it this far. They are my support, my teachers, my lifeline. They just “get it.”

Because of them, I am writing this today. They have taught me that I don’t have to suffer in silence and that I don’t have to go through this alone. I want to share this same message in hopes that more women will come out and talk about their struggles (and successes) too.

So, who’s out there and where are you on this journey (if you care to share)?

Visit my blog: No Regrets

Taxonomy upgrade extras: 

Comments (2)

Thank you. Thank you for this wonderfully written post. Thank you for sharing your innermost thoughts. Thank you for allowing others to recognize those same thoughts in themselves. I know I do.

After 2 1/2 years of TTC and 4 failed IUIs, I plan to start my first IVF in the next few months. It is unthinkable how much IF has impacted my life. I think about it every single day. Some days are *hopeful* and I count myself lucky in the IRL IF and online IF buddies I have made. Other days, I sink into the "why me" routine.

Trying to practice daily mindfulness (I think Alice Domar knows her stuff with the "mind/body" connection) and reframing negative thinking patterns has made a drastic change in my outlook. If a class like this is available in anyone's area, I highly suggest. Joining a live support group was a godsend as well allowing me to connect with women who "get it".

Best to everyone on their respective journey....


Hi Brenda,

You have a wonderful, accessible writing style and the IF world needs your voice. I'm glad to see you're one of the bloggers on Fertility Authority.

I know these are especially painful days for you. I'm planning on following + cheering you on in the next stage of your path. Hell, I'll be back in town in a few weeks, closer to you when you're taking it. Maybe we can meet up if one of us needs to venture into an Ikea (reopened my old Ikea wound now that we're cycling again--perpetual Belly Brigade).

I think it's important that IF sufferers come out. It's never healthy to be closeted about anything--IMO. So kudos to you for committing to being a contributor here.

-Kate (lostintaipei--->soon to be lostinTypeA)

Add new comment

Plain text

  • No HTML tags allowed.
  • Web page addresses and e-mail addresses turn into links automatically.
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
  • Allowed HTML tags: <a> <em> <strong> <cite> <blockquote> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd>