You are here
When I was first contacted about writing a blog on FertilityAuthority, my immediate thought was “No way!” (Sorry, Laurie.) I couldn't imagine going on a public site to share the most intimate and private details of my life. Sure, I have a personal blog that could be found with a little searching, but this was so much more “out there.” And “out there” is just not somewhere that we have chosen to go on our baby-making journey.
Like any other person batting infertility, I never expected to be here. I mean, what’s it really take to get pregnant? A bottle of wine, a sexy negligee, and nine months later a baby, right? For many people that is a reality. I, like so many of you, am not one of those people.
In August 2005, after 3 years of marriage, we started “trying” to make a baby, au natural with good old fashioned sex. We added charting and OPKs to the mix in 2006 (along with a nice, relaxing (gag) vacation and a hoard of other baby-making myths). 2007 brought us to testing, procedures, surgeries, beating our heads against the wall, and IUI. We threw in a couple IVFs during 2008 and are now approaching our third and final “closure” IVF cycle beginning in 2009.
So why would I want to put all of this “out there” now as we are on the last leg of our journey? Why not just finish these last months off and quietly fade away?
I guess because no matter the outcome of our cycle, I will always be infertile. Our journey will not end with this cycle. Maybe I will get pregnant on this last cycle, maybe I will go on to get pregnant on a donor egg cycle, maybe we will choose to adopt.
None of these options will cure my infertility. They will not erase the years of pain and frustration, tears and isolation, or jealousy and depression. They might put me in a better place, but they will not let me forget my past.
Infertility can be a really lonely place and without the network of women I have met on message boards and in blogland walking this same journey, I’m not sure I could have made it this far. They are my support, my teachers, my lifeline. They just “get it.”
Because of them, I am writing this today. They have taught me that I don’t have to suffer in silence and that I don’t have to go through this alone. I want to share this same message in hopes that more women will come out and talk about their struggles (and successes) too.
So, who’s out there and where are you on this journey (if you care to share)?
Visit my blog: No Regrets