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Dirty Little Secret

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a blog by Brenda

How about a little Confession Time!! I’ll go first.

• I "hide" plastic eggs filled with treats for our dogs every Easter (and on other occasions throughout the year when I am home alone with them).

• I claim to hate all reality TV, but am really a closet addict of The Hills.

• My husband and I went out for “dinner” this week … to Dairy Queen … and we both had Blizzards.

• I have not told my family about our infertility.

Gasp. Groan. Sigh. Moan.

I know. I know. It’s okay though because I also haven’t told them we were ever planning or trying to get pregnant. Now as a consolation prize, I don’t have to tell them we have since given up on trying to get pregnant, right?

Okay, so I should answer all your burning little questions.

the “how?” This one is somewhat easy because we don't live in the same state. Surgeries, procedures, tests, and IVF cycles galore were very much out of site, out of mind. Couple the distance with a family that never pries into personal affairs and you have a foolproof way of keeping the infertility beast under wraps.

the obvious "but-you-have-a-blog-and-write-in-the-open-for-all-to-see!" My family are all A) disgustingly fertile and likely not web searching “infertility,” B) done having kids and likely not web searching anything pregnancy related, and/or C) don’t have a computer or know what a blog even is. (Yes, C is actually true. Can you imagine!?)

the “why?” The why is trickier. In the beginning, I really wanted to have that big, "Surprise, we're pregnant!" kind of announcement. (I have a spreadsheet full of ideas saved over the years for that magic moment.)

As time went, on I considered letting them in, but decided that I didn't want them to worry about us as there wasn’t much they could do from afar anyway. And really for a couple of years, all I did was cry anytime I tried talking out loud about infertility. (I’m an ugly, red-faced, snot-dripping crier and . . . well, snot sucking while talking on the phone is just gross.)

After awhile we were so knee-deep into it all that I didn't (and still don't) know how to even begin telling them or if I should . . .

They are all coming to visit in a couple weeks and I have been secretly taking mental note of our infertility paraphernalia – the arsenal of books, clinic binders, my RESOLVE bag filled with pamphlets and info, the stack of cards on my nightstand from my dear bloggy buddies, leftover meds in the refrigerator, unused syringes in the cabinet, bookmarks on the computer, photos from our retrievals and transfers or our out of state cycle, the good luck t-shirts with embryo pictures and four leaf clovers, the fertility goblets and gifts of hope from friends…

The list goes on and on.

If push comes to shove, I think I really could hide it all. Or maybe it’s finally time to share my dirty little secret?

Your turn now, fellow covert agents. Share anything you’ve been wanting to get off your chest (and if you happen to mention how you told your family you are infertile, I am all ears eyes for that, too).

Comments (4)

I'm wondering if your family already came for their visit and what ended up happening, if you decided to tell them.

I actually, this is really anal, keep a "Telling Friends and Family" list of who I've told and not told. At this point, I've told more than I haven't.

I have not yet told my parents. I'll be breaking that news in a few months when I travel home to see them. When I told some close friends, I sent them a really well-written article from RESOLVE describing what it's really like. It really helped. I'm happy to send that to you.

For my trip home, I'm coming armed with a custom made photo album of our wedding photos from 5 years ago since that's our anniversary weekend...get 'em all nostalgic-y...then bam! spring it on them.

My Dad I know will be understanding. My Mom. Well, I'm holding my breath.

I had no idea. Most days I wish my family didn't read my blog, but I guess I'm glad they knew what we were going through. Well....maybe not always. Sigh. It's so hard.
Did your other blog go private? I missed that somehow.

It took me a while to tell my Dad. But I'm glad I did, because if nothing else it stopped all the speculation about when we'd have a baby.

How did I do it? Well I can't quite remember but I know I managed it without even once referring to the fact that I have sex. (There is a limit to how much information parents need).

How I divulged the dirty little secret to parents? Alcohol. Lots of alcohol, and out it rolled. I was probably not the most eloquent confesser, but hey, it was less painful than it otherwise would have been. :)


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