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Valentine's Day — Focus on the Love

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Tuesday is Valentine's Day. This can be a nice holiday for couples experiencing infertility because the focus is on love and romance — not kids and babies. We talked to Phyllis Martin, M.Ed, a licensed professional counselor and host of The Fertility Forum, about how to change directions from fertility to fun in order to make the day more special..

"Valentine's is an opportunity to do a little something extra to remind those we love how much we love them," Martin says. "It is easy to take our loved ones for granted, and when a couple is dealing with infertility, it is also easy to focus on stress and what you don't have compared to what you do have."

Martin recommends taking the time to focus on what you DO have on Feb. 14. "Declare 'today is not about what I don't have, it is about US and what we do have."

Changing your focus can mean shifting from baby-making back to love-making — and that doesn't necessarily equate to sex.

"Focus on the love part of your relationship again," she says. "Avoid putting pressure on yourself to have sex if sex has become very difficult due to cycles and anxiety. Instead, get back in touch with touch. Touch each other emotionally by sharing thoughts and feelings. Recall a funny story and use your memories of when life was more simple to be conversation starters."

Non-sexual touching helps in this endeavor, Martin says. "Hand holding, footsie, an arm around her or a kiss on the cheek just because."

Martin recommends helping your partner feel respected and cherished. Show your partner you are thinking of them all day by texting or calling, breaking from your normal. Good food — chocolate and strawberries are always a hit — combined with a warm, relaxing atmosphere — candles, soft music — can go a long way toward making Valentine's Day (or any day) a little more special.

Comments (1)

It's so important to take time to focus on each other on Valentine's Day and every day really. After all, the reason people usually seek help with their infertility is they are happy as a couple and want to build their family. Even if building your family takes more of your energy then you originally thought it would that doesn't take away from your happiness as a couple. Taking time to focus on the love that exists between you already is excellent advice.

D Alishouse
This has been posted on behalf of the Fertility Specialists in Indianapolis clinic, American Health Network reproductive medicine, providing IVF in Indianapolis and supporting Egg Donation Indianapolis. The information is not medical advice, and should not be treated as such. It is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. The reader should always consult his or her healthcare provider to determine the appropriateness of the information for their own situation or if they have any questions regarding a medical condition or treatment plan.

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