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a blog by Deborah Moore, August 9, 2010
Goodbye, farewell, auf wiedersehen, goodnight!
It has been a long two years of building hopes, postponing out-of-town vacations and juggling morning schedules to get to the clinic, but my husband and I have decided to move on from fertility treatments.
To cut a long story short, each cycle was canceled before it even began — hormone levels were out of whack, not enough antral follicles, a cyst, and the list goes on. And so, we have decided to save our money, the hassle and the heartache — and move on.
This sort of decision came a bit more easily to us than some others as we have been blessed to have one child already. It doesn’t mean this door closing on us doesn’t hurt, and hasn’t left me in tears sometimes, but our situation does make it easier to cope.
We also hold out a slim hope that, over the next year or so of trying naturally, we get really lucky again (our daughter was conceived naturally), and so that door hasn’t slammed shut yet, making it easier for us to abandon the fertility treatments.
Some of my friends have asked me if we are going to adopt and, frankly, that whole process seems like a mirror of the frustration and anxiety that fertility treatments have caused us. Again, I admit that our reluctance to adopt is heavily influenced by the fact we already have one beautiful child; regardless, I don’t think I am ready to go through another year or more of being in limbo. There are many deserving and needy children in the adoption pool desperate for good parents, but we don’t feel that that is the direction we want to take our parenting.
On a more positive note, this milestone decision has forced me to take a good look at my life and embark on some reassessing and replanning of athletic, career and personal goals.
I am starting to anticipate getting back into racing, traveling and a new career path, which is frightening and confusing, but also cathartic. I am trying to be very positive about the whole experience, but acknowledge that there will be good days and bad days. It can be a negative reminder of my situation when people ask (as they ALWAYS do): “Do you have just the one (child)?” And some even go on to say, “you should get started on the second — your daughter is getting to be a big girl!”
I do try to put a positive spin on having “just the one.” Imagine the focus I can put on our daughter, the lack of sibling fights and the freedom that will come earlier as she gets older and more independent!
For all of you out there still trying, stay strong, stay fit and stay happy!