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Donor Egg: The Next Step in an Infertility Journey

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a blog by Donor Diva, May 17, 2011

When you are in the middle of your infertility journey, one of the hardest things is to know when to move onto the next step.

Whether it is moving on from planned intercourse to artificial insemination (intrauterine insemination) or making the jump to surrogacy or adoption, these are some of the hardest choices.

Here is how I made the jump:
 We were told from the very beginning that our best chances of conceiving were with donor eggs. When my first fertility doctor (reproductive endocrinologist) told me that, I was positive he had misread my FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) number. There was no way at the age of 26 that my eggs were no good. How could this be?

So, I did what most women do: I insisted upon trying my own eggs first, and I hoped for a miracle.

Ever the optimist, I was convinced that in vitro fertilization (IVF) was the answer. I would be pregnant after our first round of IVF and prove my first fertility doctor wrong. Well, they only retrieved two eggs (and only one egg fertilized). But, as many people will tell you, “It only takes one.” Being an infertility novice, ALL of my hopes and dreams were wrapped up in this IVF cycle. As you can imagine, that first Big Fat Negative crushed me.

We started to consider using a donor egg, but I wasn’t convinced that my eggs were the problem. I did everything I could to help my eggs (herbs, diet, acupuncture.) However, the changes in my body due to the POF became more obvious. In the six months leading up to IVF No. 2, I had two cycles where I didn’t ovulate. With a new fertility doctor, we pushed for one more chance with my eggs, but it was to no avail.

For some reason that loss was the turning point for me — I finally came to terms with the fact that I wanted to be a mom more then I wanted to have genetic children. I also wanted off the infertility roller coaster. We had already lost three years of our lives to this battle, and we were ready to move on.

This decision boils down to three basic questions:

  1. Genetics? It is more important to have a child than one who shares my genetics.
  2. Pregnancy? I want to carry my child.
  3. Motherhood? Adoption would work for me. I just want to be a parent.

So, where are you in your infertility journey?

Comments (3)

I saw a link to this on Twitter, so thought I'd leave a comment. We started our journey five years ago. After endometriosis surgery, IUIs, 2 IVFs and one frozen embryo transfer, our insurance coverage was exhausted and we really only wanted to become parents. We started the adoption journey, and 16 months later we welcomed our beautiful daughter into this world through private adoption. She is 13 months now and is so beautiful and brings us so much happiness. Still..and I hate to even say it..we would like another child, and I can't shake the strong desire to be pregnant. Genes? We could care less. So now we're looking into donated embryos. We can't afford the costs of paying a 'donor', but could afford the process if someone were to donate frozen embryos.

So that's where we are in our journey. We're waiting on a lead, thinking if it works out, that's our path. If not, we'll regroup. I just can't shake that instinctual desire to see my belly grow...

Thank you so much for your comment. Your desire to see your belly grow is the same one that led me to egg donation. Good luck with your lead.

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