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A Guide to Picking an Egg Donor
a blog by Donor Diva, June 16, 2011
When most people reach the point of egg donation, they have already made many decisions, and so many intended parents feel overwhelmed when they are faced with the decision of picking an egg donor. Where do they start? What characteristics are most important?
For each person their priorities are different.
What Are We Looking for in an Egg Donor?
There are endless possibilities when choosing an egg donor. Start by deciding which characteristics are most important to you. Talk to your partner — initially your opinions may differ, and it’s important for you to get on the same page.
I found it helpful to make a list. At the top of my list were mainly physical characteristics, such as height (my husband’s family is on the short side), eye color and hair color. It all comes down to what is most important to you.
Browsing Egg Donor Profiles
Egg donor profiles consisted of basic information such as physical characteristics, work history, abilities and skills, health and family history, motivation (questions about why she was donating) and two childhood pictures (there may be some variation.) Browsing was kind of cool ... seeing so many women willing to donate their eggs to people in need was inspiring. If you aren’t disclosing, don’t tell ANYONE you are looking at egg donors. Also, it is important to match the egg donor’s blood type to your blood type.
Narrowing Down the Field of Egg Donor
Start by slowly narrowing down the field of egg donors by eliminating the ones who don’t meet the most important criteria, such as proven donor, blood type or hair color. When you get to a reasonable amount of egg donors, then you can start reading through the profiles. If you find no one suits you, go back and look through eliminated profiles. When I was browsing profiles, I came to a point where I felt like no one fit my criteria. After backtracking and modifying my search, I found the egg donor we were meant to use.
Dealing with the Emotions of Choosing an Egg Donor
During the process of picking our egg donor I was very emotional. I remember the first time I looked at profiles I was excited, jotting down notes about the donors I liked. The second time I browsed profiles, I was overcome with loss, and it became hard to look at them. Each time I opened the database, it was a roller coaster of emotions, but eventually they evened out as we finalized our decision.
I always found it helpful to seek the support of women going through egg donation. I met a wonderful woman in my support group who was also using donor eggs. We have become great friends and still provide support to each other. I have also discovered a great online resource: Parents via Egg Donation (PVED). They have a wonderful secure forum for anyone anywhere in the egg donation process (from just starting to parent).
Locking in Your Vote!
When making that final decision, feel confident that you picked the right egg donor. After the egg donor is chosen, you don’t want to second guess your decision. The tricky part is your egg donor might be someone else’s top choice, so you don’t want to wait too long. Everyone comes into this process with different ideas and expectations — it’s all about figuring out what is right for you!