You are here
Bonding with a Child via Egg Donation
a blog by Donor Diva, June 23, 2011
After having a child via egg donation, I was concerned my family wouldn’t treat him the same way they treat my other nieces and nephews. For example, up until recently I was afraid my parents loved all their other grandchildren more than Ant.
Then I had a conversation with my mom the other day, and I was so happy to hear her say, “I was surprised how bonded I feel to Ant.“
I asked her why she thought they wouldn’t bond. She said the blood relationship was a little bit of a concern: They are my parents, but technically aren’t genetically related to Ant. Another factor was the distance: We live on opposite coasts. and, as a result, only see each other once or twice a year. She continued, “I almost feel more bonded with Ant then my other grandchildren. It’s not all about genetics. It’s about him ... his personality. Ant just brings you in.”
I was beaming!
It’s not like my fears were unfounded. I have to admit, after Ant was born, I was afraid I would never bond with him. At first our bond was strained due to complications after delivery for him and me. There was a time I would look down at him and wonder why I didn’t feel that instant love so many mothers claimed to have. It was a slow process, but now it seems Ant and I are inseparable. All those fears are a distant memory.
These fears drive our decisions on who to tell and how to tell. Many parents decide to tell their family after the bonding has already occurred — they figure their family can’t reject a child they already love. Other parents tell their child first and let them decide when to tell their extended family. Each family is different. Make sure to carefully decide which one is best in your family situation.
Many parents via egg donation are worried they won’t bond with their children or that their families won’t. We are in a society that is stuck on this idea of genetics, with the thought that anything else is less superior. It all comes down to you: Are you open enough to bond with your child? For me, it wasn’t an instant bond. But our bond grows stronger every day.