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The Fear of Rejection
a blog by Donor Diva, August 5, 2011
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Does anyone like hearing the word no? Well, I definitely dislike hearing the word no. I remember as a young child having a hard time with rejection whether it was another child telling me I couldn’t be her friend or someone telling me I couldn’t do something.
This is the reason why I had such a strong reaction to my fertility doctor telling me that I couldn’t conceive with my own eggs. Sometimes I react positively, and other times "no" has a negative effect on me.
Recently, I have had some negative attention from the internet, such as rude emails, rude comments and facebook messages. It is amazing what people will say with the protection of a computer screen. This has brought up some old lingering feelings about our choice to conceive with the assistance of an egg donor. My BIGGEST fear is that someday Ant will tell me in a fit of teenage rage, “YOU’RE NOT MY MOM!” Just the idea of this scares me to death. How will I deal with this type of rejection?
There is already so much fear going into a egg donation cycle, and to add my fear of rejection, that was hard. I have pushed it back to the back of my mind many times. When we get to that point, I will cross that bridge. When kids say things like, “You’re not my mom,” it is in the moment and usually not their true feelings.
The difference in our situation is Ant would be picking at my infertility wound. Would I be strong enough to just laugh it off later? Or would it be paralyzing?