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Infertility Is...Something You Can't Be Prepared for Emotionally
a blog by Fran Meadows, April 27, 2013
Infertility, I have to admit, is nothing that crossed my mind in my early twenties. Which club or hangout to go to was more the focus for me. In your early twenties you are more carefree and not thinking of having children. In your mid to late twenties when things change in only a few years' time, you have a different focus. When infertility hits after you finally settle down with the right person and you are prepared to start a family, it can be confusing. Infertility is something you cannot be prepared for emotionally.
We all dream about the perfect wedding and, yes, we are prepared that it will be a stressful day but we overcome that fear when in the presence of family and friends. When it comes to the honeymoon, we immediately have thoughts of a romantic evening where you (hopefully) conceived your child. For some this is reality. For others it might not be so easy; not like a fairy tale or happy ending in a movie.
Infertility is something that hits hard - you never planned to be part of "the club". The treatment part eventually sinks in with decisions to be made. When you add fertility drugs and hormones to the mix you have no idea how it will affect you. We read the warning labels, which are scary, but until we are deep into the journey we cannot understand the emotions that will come on until they hit us month after month. A women's body is prepared for the monthly friend, some cramps, PMS and for some more grueling pain with other medical diagnoses. Do we fully understand how our life will be turned upside down with infertility emotions? No...no...no!
Infertility can take a toll on your marriage leaving more stress and added emotions to the journey. A good cry never hurt but when you cry over nothing or over all those somethings, you start to realize how much of an emotional toll it can take on you. As a couple it can be hard to stay grounded without bumping heads when it’s time to make an important treatment decision. Men and women express emotions differently. Men express themselves in different ways and when the woman cries they don't fully understand. During my journey, I shed a lot of tears that came with a lot of pain thinking I was less of a woman, not able to conceive a child. These thoughts and emotions become the new normal.
Infertility is something we need to talk about, so others can stress their emotions.
Infertility is something that never leaves you no matter of the outcome.
Your emotions need to come out and not be bottled up. Find the necessary support from an online infertility support group or in-person support group, confide in a family member or friend, seek out extra therapy, communicate with your partner, write or blog to your story with others and most importantly openly communicate with your doctors about medical and emotional concerns.
Emotions are unpredictable but know that there is support within the community that can assist in your journey. Once you open up you will see how others will relate and open up too. Breaking the silence and sharing your story with the emotions surrounding infertility will open a door to continue raising awareness for the disease that can affect you emotionally and physically. You might not have been prepared for the infertility journey but your inner strength will find a way to break through.