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Infertility and Facebook

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a blog by Melinda Davis, May 18, 2011

You never know when it’s going to happen until it’s there. A friend has posted her first sonogram photo, a family member has announced her two pink lines, a teen has posted about her baby’s heartbeat, and you begin to cringe. What was once a quick glance through your personal Facebook feed has now rocked your day and left you staring at an unexpected pregnancy announcement.

Maintaining a friendship with someone who continuously posts pregnancy or family updates can be hard. It’s not because you’re not happy for them, but it’s because they are living your dream right in front of you.

I know everyone handles things differently, but I’ve learned the easiest way for me to continue this kind of friendship is to hide my enthusiastic friend. Now to some this may seem harsh, and I don’t do this to ignore them, but instead I do it to maintain control over my emotions.

Infertility is an emotional battle that can change hands at any moment. I hate the jealous feeling that can overcome me after reading an unexpected post, so I’ve learned by hiding a friend it allows me to prepare myself before visiting their profile and learning their latest news. The truth is, I’m happy for them, and if I hadn’t been infertile there’s a good chance I would have ended up posting nonstop just like them. I don’t blame them for being happy or loving their family, but I know that the jealous feeling inside me is sin, and I need to do whatever I can to keep my emotions in check.

The truth is: Infertility is hard, and the world of Facebook can be both a blessing and a curse. For most, it is a tool to stay in touch with friends and family. For companies, it is a place to reach their customers. But for me, it is a tool for battling infertility. As silly as it sounds, I have seen God use Facebook to grow me, introduce me to infertile friends, and allow me to receive and support others going through similar struggles. It’s provided me with an outlet to share my thoughts, and it has shown me that God has an unlimited toolbox when it comes to providing His support.

Through Facebook, God has shown me that everyone has a battle. Some struggle with infertility, others long to get married, and many deal with their own hidden hurts. I’ve learned that even though hurts may not always seem the same to me, to that person, it is just as difficult a trial for them. So no matter how you use Facebook, or where you are in life, remember you are not alone. We all have our struggles, we all can use a hug, and we are all hoping to one day see our dreams come true.

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Comments (8)

You nailed exactly how I feel. I hide my pregnant friends, and the one that posts about pics of her baby, so that I can choose when I see their posts, because I do want to see their pages.

Soooo true! It is hard, but babies are out there. I have to be able to function in society without falling apart just because there is a baby around. I am so happy for them and can't stand that it isn't my turn yet (I'm not patient anyway). I still have to remember to LIVE and not hide away.

Facebook really shows everything that we might be jealous of. We all have our own problems and frustrations but we just have to deal with them the best that we can.

Wow, I read this and had to do a double take, because these have been my exact feelings and what I have been going through most recently. But I don't hide my friends, instead I force myself to push through that emotional wall I automatically build up and be outwardly happy for them. Which is hard. And sometimes hurts worse, because then I am stuck in a battle of being excited for them and being bitter at the same time. I also agree that the Lord uses different ways including facebook for seasons of growing. I look forward to your other posts! Also I have recently started a support group for women with PCOS in the Phoenix area,

Thank you again for sharing this!

"It’s not because you’re not happy for them, but it’s because they are living your dream right in front of you."

That really resonated with me. I thought I was the only one that felt that way! I often feel like that, though with different issues besides infertility. Hiding that friend is the way I deal with it as's just too much sometimes. It's better to remove yourself from it than constantly fight the feelings of resentment or hurt.

Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing.

Thanks for your support! - Melinda Davis

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What a great blog....exactly how people dealing with infertility feel.

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