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The Calling of Adoption
a blog by Melinda Davis, February 13, 2011
My husband and I began exploring adoption a few years ago. We had gone through fertility treatments, and had been told the only way we would become parents was through adoption. I remember being amazed at how my once closed mind to adoption had quickly opened, and I began to imagine an exciting journey to find our child.
We began looking into international adoption, and just as we thought we felt the Lord was leading us to a certain country He quickly closed the door. We didn’t meet the country’s age requirements, and it would be another year before we could even begin the application process. We decided to wait until we were of proper age, but when that time came, we found that the process had changed, and we no longer had the peace we once felt.
We began exploring other countries, but decided to go with a domestic adoption. We had settled on a Christian adoption agency, but found it was no longer available where we lived. After researching additional agencies, we finally settled in and requested an application package. As we reviewed the information, we decided to research everything we could before moving any further, and even selected a daycare center for our future son or daughter. But at the end of it all, something still seemed to be missing.
The piece of the puzzle we couldn’t locate was God’s calling for us to adopt. Unlike every other major decision we’ve made, the peace from God just wasn’t there. We were constantly reminded of the story of Sarah and Abraham. They had longed for a child for so long, but rather than waiting for God to provide the child He had promised, they decided to take things into their own hands. We realized that if we continued through this adoption process, we would be doing it to fulfill our own desires and plans rather than listen to God’s calling for our family.
I can’t even begin to tell you how difficult it was when I realized that no matter how much I wanted to be mom, I knew I didn’t want to make it happen if it wasn’t God’s plan for me. I remember crying with my husband when we realized it would be much better for us to remain a couple than to venture off the road God was leading us down and adopt outside of His will. We had seen time and time again how He would always provide us with a great amount of peace when it came to big decisions, and no matter what His reason was, the peace of adoption just wasn’t there.
Since making the decision not to adopt, I began to learn how to be content living childfree. I kept myself focused on the blessings God had already given, and fell even more in love with my husband. I found myself talking to some friends that had or were going through the adoption process, and remember them saying how they had always wanted to adopt, but they just assumed it would come after having their own biological child. Although I am a very big adoption supporter, I realized I had never had this calling, and these conversations helped confirm our decision not to adopt was the right choice. And surprisingly, I found myself having more peace about not adopting then I ever did about going through the adoption process.
I really think adoption is an amazing and beautiful thing, and at first it was hard to understand how something so beautiful felt so wrong for us as a couple. If you find yourself considering adoption, but just not sure, I encourage you to read the book “Called to Adoption: A Christian’s Guide to Answering the Call.” This is a book I read last summer, and I think the title couldn’t be a better descriptor for my thoughts on adoption. I love how the authors approach adoption as something that shouldn’t be entered into lightly and explain how adoption is a calling from God, and though it is a very beautiful thing, it is not a calling everyone receives.
You can preview the first chapter “Are You Called to Adopt” and purchase the book online here.