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Don't Ignore the Pain of Infertility, Even on the Other Side
a blog by Melinda Davis, April 24, 2011
This week is National Infertility Awareness Week, and the theme for this year is “Don’t Ignore Infertility”. Although I have been blessed to reach the other side by being surprised with a miracle pregnancy, infertility is still something I think about on a daily basis.
I think most people think that once you achieve a pregnancy, all of the heartache and trauma of infertility automatically disappears. But I have learned that’s not the case. The memories are still fresh, and although the pain has been softened and replaced with joy, the scars remain and a layer of guilt has been added.
I feel guilty for seeing my dream come true, because my heart still aches for those still waiting. There are times I walk around in public noticing all of the other pregnant women around me, and wish I had a pin or something to wear saying “I have been there, and understand your pain” to encourage all of the friends and strangers still longing for a family.
I have had a hard time blogging, because when I was going through infertility, I had a hard time reading posts from others that eventually conceived. I felt like they just tried to sympathize and had forgotten all that they experienced, and although now I know that’s not the case, I worry about what others will think when I write something new or want to share something pregnancy-related either through my blog or on Facebook.
It may sound crazy, but even with my growing belly I find I have to remind myself that I’m actually pregnant on a daily basis, that it’s OK to treasure and enjoy each moment, and that God has blessed us with this child and trust that He will continue to bless us with a healthy pregnancy and baby. I spent so many years fighting my desire to be a mom that it became somewhat of a habit. The months I thought I might be pregnant I would do everything I could to not dwell on the possibility of it being true to avoid as much heartbreak as possible. And I think when we actually did conceive, I knew I was pregnant before we found out, but I wouldn’t let my heart or head go there when the question of “Could I be pregnant?” entered my mind because I had been told it just wasn’t possible.
Infertility is so much more than a battle to become a family, but it is also a battle of the heart. It’s easy and often necessary to build walls around your heart and emotions when going through it, but no matter how much you try to avoid them, the scars will always be there. For me I treasure these scars now because they remind me of all that I’ve been through, and help me to remember and pray for those still struggling. They remind me that God continues to have an ultimate plan even if at times we don’t understand it, and that the process of growth during the times of trial is often used by God to open our minds to something we may have never known while preparing us for something great just up the road ahead.
To learn more about Infertility or National Infertility Awareness week visit:
http://www.resolve.org/infertility101 (Basic understanding of the disease of infertility.)
http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/about.html (About NIAW)