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Infertility's Last Hurrah

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byline:  a blog by Genna Banafato, July 28, 2013

I am fortunate. Although I have the alphabet soup of infertility in my medical records (low AMH, DOR, AMA, MTHFR and MFI), thanks to in-vitro fertilization, ICSI and a great reproductive endocrinologist, Dr. William Ziegler, I have two beautiful daughters. Cycling for my younger daughter with a toddler in tow definitely had it's challenges. One thing we decided during that time was that it just wouldn't be feasible to do another fresh cycle, would this one work. It was hard enough to do IVF with ONE child at home. We couldn't imagine making our schedules work for another fresh cycle with two. Not to mention how horrible and run down the meds make me feel. No, another fresh cycle wasn't going to be in the cards. If we didn't get any frozen embryos from that cycle, then we were going to have to be done.

I was crushed when I found out that my five remaining embryos had to be discarded. They wouldn't have survived the freezing/thaw process. My nurse was empathetic as always. She said she wouldn't want to prep me for a frozen transfer, only to get there and have no embryos. I mourned the loss of those embryos, even while celebrating my pregnancy. Those embryos, while they cleaved in a petri dish, were hope that there would be another after this.

We are beyond thrilled with our two daughters. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little sad that there will never be a third, whether girl or boy. When my OBGyn asks about our plans for birth control, I give a little chuckle and say, "We'll be using our infertility", while hoping that maybe I'll be one of those that gets the surprise miracle pregnancy - even with every single odd stacked against us. Even if pregnancy reset my clock, it certainly can't make more sperm.

It's infertility's last chance to throw stones. We beat it, twice. Now, IF gets the last laugh. I love my family more than anything. But it doesn't feel complete. As usual, infertility gets the last laugh.


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