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Are Infertiles Described in the Book of Death?

Book of Death

a blog by Alec, October 10, 2011

To read more Alec, The Infertility Guy blogs, CLICK HERE.

Jews just celebrated Yom Kippur. This is a solemn holiday. It’s said that after Yom Kippur, God inscribes each of us in the Book of Life or the Book of Death. For the former, a good year lies ahead. For the latter, it will be one of struggle.

Where you are inscribed has everything to do with the good you have done, and your ability to embrace your wrongs and seek forgiveness. The Hebrew Sal-ach-ti (phonetic) means I forgive you (literally “I already forgave you”). You hear that A LOT in synagogue.

We’ve all heard that it is “God’s will,” that we are infertile. Some have even heard the venomous, “you don’t deserve children.”

But there is an awful truth. Perhaps because of these sentiments, or perhaps for reasons more internalized, some Wannabe Moms become convinced that they are paying for a past mistake. They believe that they are denied children in divine or cosmic retribution for … something. They cannot tell themselves sal-ach-ti.

This must be something dire, right? Like bullying a person until she harms herself? Cheating on your best friend?


Usually the “wrong” is so objectively understandable or forgivable that you become surprised that the Wannabe Mom thinks of it.

Did she wait until she was a little older before trying to start a family? Did she hope to build a nest egg? Wish to experience life? See the world?

Understandable. Forgivable.

Did she abort when she was much younger, ending a teenage pregnancy that would have ended her freedom and taken away her options?

A hard choice. But an understandable one.

Did the scars of a difficult childhood convince her for years that a childfree life was the life for her? Did she actually repudiate motherhood for a long time before experiencing a change of heart?

I would forgive her a million times over. Can she forgive herself though? If she believes she is being punished, then perhaps not.

Should the universe prove its forgiveness with a child, perhaps then can she forgive herself. The road to fertility can be a long one. The road to self-forgiveness, longer still.

Comments (1)

Sometimes we are so much more unforgiving of ourselves then we are of others. It can be difficult to sit with a challenge like infertility and not try to find some reason, something or someone to blame. I believe that you are right when you say women may turn that blame onto themselves. We do tend to internalize problems. Continuing to face your emotional struggles as you move down your path in life is the best choice. It's not always easy and when you say the road to self-forgiveness is longer still, you're correct.

Thank you for this insightful post.
Best wishes,

D Alishouse

This has been posted on behalf of American Health Network Reproductive Medicine, a Reproductive Endocrinologist in Indianapolis supporting Da Vinci® Surgery Specialist. The information is not medical advice, and should not be treated as such. It is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice. The reader should always consult his or her healthcare provider to determine the appropriateness of the information for their own situation or if they have any questions regarding a medical condition or treatment plan.

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