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Re-buffed, Re-spectful, Re-ady to Try Again

a blog by Alec, October 19, 2011

To read more Alec, The Infertility Guy blogs, CLICK HERE.

From time to time, I will speak to couples dealing with infertility and try to give them an idea of what lies ahead. I’ll offer to tell any part of our story — as much as they wish to hear. Some have told me that I helped them. I’ve helped others with my writing.

I was reminded this week of couples that I could not help. Couples that, for reasons of their own, chose not to take advantage of my offer of help. One couple is an acquaintance. The other, I scarcely know at all.

I immediately felt the sting of disappointment in my gut. I wanted to help! Pay it forward!

I wanted to hear their stories. I hoped their stories would help others.

“I blah blah blah.” “I yadda yadda yadda.” I ought to be ashamed.

So I took a sanity check, and after a little reflection, I self-administered a head-from-bum-hole-ectomy (in other words, I got my head out of my @$$). Once my head was clear (as was my bum), I realized that the reasons I felt disappointed were selfish ones.

Do I have to tell anyone here that talking about infertility is difficult? Did I need to remind myself? And, like it or not, as a parent I am seen differently from infertiles that are still trying. We could be seen as a sign of hope that the journey can end well. We could also be seen as something similar to a fertile parent — incapable of understanding the pain a Wannabe parent experiences.

I wish I could help those couples. I hope to help anyone through this odyssey.

Maybe it’s enough to wish to help.

But to feel any sense of personal disappointment over being rebuffed? Uh-uh. Absolutely not allowed.

I’ll be ready for the next couple that comes along, seeking a road map for the journey ahead.

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