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42 Years Old and Hounded by Mom

a blog by Alec, November 9, 2011

To read more Alec, The Infertility Guy blogs, CLICK HERE.

I’ve felt that the anguish over infertility begins before infertility. It begins with pressure from others. It begins with societal expectations. Religious expectations contribute. But sometimes the greatest contributor is a mother who wants her grandchildren.

My friend is 42 years old and thinking about starting a family. She is quite successful in her work and I certainly understand why a family has not been foremost in her thoughts.

Numbers have no real power, right? Oh, some believe 7 is lucky. So many believe that 13 is unlucky, you would be hard-pressed to find a residential high-rise with a 13th floor. But here’s a number that scares the bejesus out of women:


Such power. Want to be more scared?


Women know that their chances to start a family are slipping away. They know that fertility rate declines sharply from age 35. They know that at age 40 it’s unlikely that they can have children without help from a fertility doctor. They know this.

So why do their mothers continue to remind them?

Such is my friend’s plight. She is serious about wanting to start a family. Whether or not her boyfriend is father material is up to her. But there is no doubt she feels the urgency, like a Chicagoan trying to enjoy one last bit of sunshine before winter scars the city.

With all of that pressure and urgency, all of that internal drive, turmoil and despair, who would pile on?

A mother can be well meaning and hurtful at the same time. Her need to protect, nurture and grow her children never goes away. Some Wannabe Moms say, “I wish she would go away,” because her mother wants to “save” her. She wants grandchildren. She wants your happiness. She wants.

And that is where it all goes wrong. What her mother wants is unimportant. What her mother believes she needs is unimportant. This is her life. Her body. Her future family, if luck is with her.

All of the information is out there for Wannabe Moms. The Wannabe Moms have it! Friends, family, please quit piling on! You make her journey even harder. Infertility is lonely as it is. Mothers, family, friends with ready advice isolate an infertile woman — drive her away.

A 42-year-old woman who hopes to start a family feels the same effect.

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