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Take a Time Out

a blog by Jamie Pursley, May 24, 2012

The fertility treatment process has started, and the wonderful world of hormones is among us. I started my first round of hormone therapy this week (birth control) in order to regulate my non-existent ovulation cycle. Technically I still ovulate, there’s just nowhere for the eggs to go. So after monitoring my hormone levels for several weeks and catching my “peak” days, the birth control acts as a place holder to maintain a baseline level until we begin injections.

It’s been a year since I was last on birth control, and I remember immediately why I despised it so much. The bloating, the fatigue and insatiable appetite; what woman with these symptoms would enjoy being on such a drug? I resent the birth control pill because I took it preventively for seven years before finding out that it was all a waste of time, money and hormonal side effects. The upside for taking it now is that I will do whatever it takes to get my precious eggs ready and out to be fertilized and transferred to our surrogate. Weight gain, emotional irregularity, none of that holds a candle to what I’ve been through. However, sometimes I need to center myself and redirect my focus back to why I’m putting myself through all of this: my husband and my love for one another and our undying commitment to starting our family.

They say (and I refer to “they” as the all-knowing powers who write those What to Expect books) that you and your husband should plan a “baby moon” in your second trimester of pregnancy in order to enjoy the last phase of your lives as a childless married couple. The same goes for enduring this lengthy and exhausting IVF process. I may not be pregnant, but we surely have earned a “baby-moon” of our own. We chose to get away this particular weekend because it was the weekend I would have been due with Robert William. With last weekend having been Mother’s Day, it’s probably not hard to understand that I have been ready to jump off a bridge for about the past two weeks. Instead of jumping off a bridge, my husband and I decided it would be better to channel that energy into something more fun — and sunny.

It’s important to remember that you’re still a married (or committed) couple when going through this process. It’s been said that times such as these can make or break a couple, and I believe that to be entirely true, with one rule: As a couple, you are responsible for your own relationship. Every couple has their ups and downs and by no means am I preaching as a therapist or psychologist about what’s best for your relationship, but I can tell you from experience that making it through hell and back has opened our eyes to what our relationship is capable of. You learn to lean on one another, and communicate openly about what you need or want at different times. Emotions and moods may change, but the fact remains that you are going through this process to become parents, and you’re in it together.

So if you’re starting your own path to parenthood now, or anytime in the future, remember to take a time out with your loved one and get back to where it all began: your love for one another. Get away with no cell phones, computers or distractions of any kind and remind yourselves how it feels to have each other.

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