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a blog by Jamie Pursley, July 9, 2012
Here we are, less than a week away from our egg retrieval procedure. Who knew that seven months would fly by so incredibly fast! I feel like yesterday I was in my bed, unable to even fathom getting up to venture out of the house. Now here we are, ready to finally enter into this next chapter in our lives: starting our family.
While this process feels like it’s been taking forever to complete, it’s really only been in progress since March 2012. I feel ridiculous saying to people “I’ve waited so long” or “it’s about time” when I know people have waited many years for what we are about to go through. Our journey may have been short, but it does not change the toll it took on us. If I had a chance to give any advice to other couples who go through anything similar to what we have, the best piece would be “take your time.” In Jamie and Jake time, four months feels like a lifetime.
I know some people would have waited longer than this to move forward with this process, but that just wasn’t feasible for us. It’s not that we are impatient so much as we are extremely eager to go after what we know we want. So I’m not necessarily saying it’s best to wait after a loss to move forward; what I really mean is that you have to move forward at your own pace (whatever that may be). For us, knowing that our next step was just around the corner was the only way we could mentally cope with everything. For some people, time may be the only healer.
No one can tell you when your grieving time is over, or when it’s time to start with a new venture. I remember doctors telling me that it takes twice as long as you were pregnant to recover mentally after a loss. I thought to myself, ”so in eight months I’ll magically be healed and not sad anymore?” Definitely not. I don’t care what doctors, books, research, or anything on the internet say. Every single person is so incredibly different with a million different circumstances, and no one will follow any kind of “text book agenda” when healing.
With that being said, I catch myself feeling guilty for moving on at this rate after losing Robert William. I know I shouldn’t, but it makes me feel selfish to be in such a hurry for our next child so soon after I lost him. I know it’s just empty guilt, though, because my heart tells me this is the right thing for us to be doing. I have no regrets about moving forward and having something tangible to be excited about. Anyone who knows me can testify that I am not a mopey-woe-is-me sort of person. I enjoy being happy and smiling, and by God I am going to do what it takes to get me back to that place!
Enough with the “I am woman hear me roar” rant, I just wanted to preach the importance of couples taking control of their own happiness. No one is going to do it for you, so ignore what the critics in your life may say about your decisions and do what makes you and your partner happy. The people who truly matter to you will support you through thick and thin; they’ll lift you up and be there to catch you if you fall again along the way. Go forward and conquer, and become parents no matter what, dang it!