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My Response to the Couple Who Would Like to Wish Their IVF Twins Away

baby bump

a blog by Jenn Nixon, August 29, 2013

Have you read about the husband and wife who each wrote a post for, complaining about the twin pregnancy they spent thousands of dollars toward fertility treatments to get? Oh please do before you continue into my post any further:

Mr. Albert Garland- My wife’s expecting twins — and I’m not happy about it

Mrs. Albert Garland- I’m Expecting Twins — and I Feel Like I Ruined My Family

Sweet, isn’t it? Some of the highlights from the article include the following quotes:

“As horrible as this might sound, we found ourselves wishing these twins away.”

“We were pregnant with twins — twin boys, we’d find out later. In my mind I had done nothing less than ruin our family.”

“My wife and I even both privately admitted that we don’t like the new children, which is of course insane.”

What a wonderful way for you to bring children into the world, under the cloud of your disdain. I mean seriously Mr. and Mrs. Garland, you tried for a couple of years for one baby and instead got two out of the aggressive treatment YOU CHOSE to undergo. YOU CHOSE.

Infertility provides you with a lot of time to think. The prep time for IVF can take two months before you even have a transfer, not to mention the weeks of consultations prior to beginning a cycle. Before most women even get to IVF, they have had multiple IUIs, fertility testing, and hundreds of two week waits. You don’t just walk into a clinic and get inseminated. Trust me; you are given plenty of time to prepare for what every Infertile knows: twins are a possibility when you play with follicle stimulating hormones.

The husband mentions that they had "several IUIs" (intrauterine inseminations) before their IVF cycle, a procedure that carries a 25% risk of multiples. This means that when our anonymous couple chose to undergo intrauterine insemination, they took a chance of having triplets or more. A possibility that they obviously ignored, but I am sure would have complained about had it happened.

I want to believe that this couple is only admitting their irresponsible IVF behavior; irresponsible in the way they completely dismissed the reality of what might happen. However, I am not so sure that is what’s taking place. When you say things like, “This time around, we’re counting down — not like expected parents but like cancer patients with only months to live," then my empathy for your situation has been vomited out by disgust for your character.

To all of my Infertile friends out there in the world of TTC: always be aware of the consequences of your treatment plan and be prepared to take responsibility for the outcome. And for God’s sake, please don’t ever, ever, publicly belittle your success to the 7.3 million other couples who would do anything to be in your situation. When you say things like, “weeks later, I lay on the table — dazed and unhappy — as I received the news that there were two healthy sacs present”…our heart drops in response to your ungrateful reaction to the news we have so desperately longed to hear.

Mr. and Mrs. Garland: Shame. On. You.


Comments (5)

Before I make my comment, I want to make it clear that I cannot relate to wanting to wish my children away. But, I can certainly understand HER perspective of thinking she ruined their life. She made a decision without the knowledge or support of her husband to put two embryos in. That was not a decision they made as a couple, and in my opinion it should have been a joint decision. When we go into a transfer we always have a solid decision a week before, so as not to be swayed at the last minute by emotion. If I made a decision that would cause such a hardship in our family, financially and emotionally, I would be depressed too. I would be concerned that my husband would feel betrayed, and blame me, eventually causing issues in our relationship. I cannot see the point of saying this out loud though, in such a public forum. Some day those children will find this article and their parents will have some explaining to do.

I will adopt those boys if they do not want them. I really want children and tried IUI 6 times already. My intruterine wall wasn't thickening. Let me know how I can go about adopting those twins.

my heart cries for those two boys...what a home to come into where they not thinking? these articles are out on the internet for those little boys to find for themselves when they come of age. do these parents what them to know they weren't really wanted? this hurts to the very core of my being *sigh* I'll be praying for this family, especially for those two boys.

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