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The Secret Language of Online Fertility
a blog by Jenny Roo July 6, 2013
I hate acronyms. There, I said it. Judge if ye must.
For example, I can think of only one good reason for using the term "LMAO". If you had, in fact, laughed your ass off, and whilst en route to the hospital to have it reattached, you had to hold said toosh to your body with your good hand and were therefor only able to keep me abreast of the situation with your less skilled typing hand.
Suffice it to say, when I started looking for information online in regards to trying to conceive, though the information was awesome, the use of acronyms made me want to burst into flames.
I will openly admit that I am acronym-stupid. The 3 seconds a person usually saves by using one costs me a good 5 minutes of going cross-eyed before I figure out what the heck they're talking about. So if you are new to the world of trying to conceive, or, like me, are just acronym-special, a few of the basics.
Not an R&B trio from the 90s, but rather, Trying To Conceive.
I genuinely detest this one as I don't think you should be allowed to say it out loud unless you're wearing a poodle skirt: Aunt Flo.
Ovulating, ovulation. No idea what happens if you want to mention ovulating and Oprah's magazine in the same sentence.
Cycle Day. So CD1 is not the first day we all embark on an all-infertile bicycle trip, but the much less fun day you start your period.
Results of a pregnancy test: Big Fat Positive or Big Fat Negative. Though I encourage you to creatively mix up what the F stands for.
Baby dance. Yes, baby dance. Creepy dancing baby? No. SEX. I believe the jig is up on what our go-to method of conceiving is at first. Please note that the word 'sex' is far less unsettling and only requires one additional letter.
Sperm Analysis. Your significant other has a hot date with a cup.
This one really caused me to go crosseyed for awhile. Cutesie word for butt? Some kind of charmingly delicious South American burrito? No. Pregnant Until Proven Otherwise.
Favored hobby of all women trying to conceive - Pee On A Stick. Once you've gone pro in this sport, you will be unable to casually pass by a pregnancy or ovulation test at your local pharmacy without losing bladder control.
GL, FX, Babydust
Good Luck, Fingers Crossed, Babydust. Okay I realize babydust is not an acronym but I throw it in here because in terms of lingo it is the creepiest. Am I the only one who imagines the sender of Babydust to be a giant who has crushed an unsuspecting baby into dust and is now attempting to sprinkle you with the leftovers? No? Just me?
Too Much Information. This needs to be altogether stricken from the trying to conceive vocabulary. There is NO such thing in baby making as Too Much Information. No such thing as over-share. Seriously, try to gross out a woman who has been trying to conceive for awhile. Do your worst and I doubt you could make her blink or skip a beat. If anything, we should replace it with NEO - Not Enough Information.
These are just a few of the basics. Helpful? Or are we merely en route to have our butts re-attached?