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How Infertility Has Made Me a Better Mom

a blog by Krissi McVicker, May 10, 2012

I will say it. Infertility was one of the worst experiences of my life. I was lonely, depressed, anxious, angry, jealous, bitter, emotional and exhausted all the time. But while infertility made me feel broken, it never truly broke my spirit. And now, sitting here with my three miracles nestled in their beds close by, it would be hard not to also admit that infertility has changed me for the better too. Here are five ways infertility has made me a better mom.

  1. I am more patient. Patience is a virtue, as my mom always said. When you are waiting for someone to come into your life and nothing happens month after month, after month, you can start to grieve over a life you’ve never met, and impatience creeps in. But the more patient you are as you wait for that someone, the more you can appreciate that person wholeheartedly when they finally come. And that is a gift.
  2. I love without boundaries. At one time, my husband and I naively thought that our love would be enough to start our family. But without the strong bond we had and then also built upon, surviving the struggle of our infertility would have been impossible. Now, I know that our love has deep layers within its foundation, layers that may have been bent over time but never broke. It is this love that keeps our family together.
  3. I appreciate more. When my kids are extremely cranky and crying non-stop. When there is a huge mess in the play room after I just spent a couple of hours cleaning it up. When about three dozen of my eggs are cracked on the floor through the grates of my empty wine rack. These are all moments I could go running for the hills. But, they are also moments in which I can appreciate the life I now have as a mom. If I never cried myself to sleep night after night and dreamed about what my life would be like as a mother, feeling totally unfulfilled, I would have a hard time taking the high road and smiling (instead of screaming) when life gets kind of crazy. Appreciate what your infertility may teach you: the stresses of little things are just little things compared to what really matters.
  4. I hope without doubts. Doubt has a funny way of popping up when we fear the unknown. With infertility, that fear is ubiquitous. Through my journey of six IVF cycles, there were many doubts. Would my eggs be good quality? Would enough fertilize? Would they implant? Would I miscarry? But, as I started to let go, hope took over and gave me strength. If we can let go and let doubt slip away, than hope can be a very powerful entity that is quite invigorating.
  5. I believe in miracles without reservations. When I look at my children, they remind me that anything in life is possible. There are everyday miracles all around us. We have to believe in them and then they will find a way into our hearts.

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