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Baby Showers: Attend or Pretend?


a blog by LaShaundra Seale

Battling the infertility monster can place you in many awkward positions. And,no, I'm not talking about standing on your head after intercourse to "make it stick." (That doesn't seem to work anyway.) I'm referring to attending baby showers.

This rite of passage is up there with bridal showers, weddings, and graduations. Most of us can attend the latter two without any problem. But attending a baby shower is especially difficult.

Now I know not ALL women dealing with infertility are bothered by baby showers. In fact, I've attended and hosted my fair share. But for many women battling infertility, baby showers can be pure emotional torture.

We feel torn in these situations. While we love our sisters and best friends and uhhing and awwing over cute little onsies with the words, "You think I'm cute? You should meet my mom" on them, that's not the problem.

The problem usually occurs when you've attended these functions, over and over, year after year. Each time you secretly tell yourself, "The next shower is going to be for me," or "If I get pregnant next month, my friends will throw me a shower next spring."

The problem is, for many of us, those showers can take years to occur, or sadly they never materialize.

So, I say the choice is yours. If you feel up to attending a baby shower, do so. If not, I'm sure the guest of honor will understand. And if she doesn't, then that's her problem.

The last baby shower I attended was two weeks after my husband and I found out our IVF had failed. I attended, and was very happy for my friend, who had miscarried during her previous pregnancy.

You know what? The next shower was for me. It didn't come overnight, or without many prayers, and a pile of adoption paperwork, but it was well worth the wait . . .

Sending many shower wishes your way.


For more information on LaShaundra, please visit

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